imperfectly perfect

in a daze but not confused.
the feeling is like seeing twisting colors in round soft marshmallows as it melts in soft gooey mush.
it's like being softly pushed and pinched...not hurting but rushes the heart to beat three times faster.
it's smells like chocolates and mint at the same time.
it's is as smooth as a pebble in a stormy cruel water.

you aim to clasp it but it slips right through your fingers.
you have a notion that you own it but you can never openly mark it as yours.
it's like knowing a secret you know you'd carry with you down the grave...

it's tearing you apart.
it's warming you up.
it's makes you frown in a minute.
but can quickly jest you up in a second.

and as you feel the smooth caress of it's reality on your skin.
as you feel the dampness of your forehead being wiped.
you wish...that time would stop...
closing your eyes, pretending it did...
laughing softly at the irony of it all

so how can you say goodbye?
to something u do notunderstand?
to someone you do not know?
to a situation too fast to follow?

it never really stopped to kiss you hello
but it stole a fraction of your eternity
occupying your mind with questions you cannot ask.

it's like watching the rain pour down
as you melachonly think about the soft closing of the door
trying not to think about the footsteps u hear...
pretending that your thudding heart is nothing but an echo of an imagination.

for shounen: wanna be a dealer?

Got this from my shoutbox ^.^

17 Nov 08, 13:11

shounen: hi, was gogling about PAGCOR and your site came up. I want to be a dealer ($$$) and just wanna ask where your nephew applied for

hmmmm... didn't know that a lot people wants to be a dealer... aside from superior math skills, you are supposed to have an immune system so strong because you will be a passive smoker 8 hrs of your life during your weekday shifts and 12 hrs on a weekend shift... working every night, dealing cards, looking like a ghoul each night you stay awake...or something ^.^

anyways, to answer shounen...

My nephew went to Pagcor Office, in Cabaguio. If you know the Maharlika Foundation Office, Pagcor is located on its left side. I remember, trying open Pagcor's office expecting to see my son's surgueon...only to be told by the guard that I'm opening the wrong door. You see, the office is in the same building with Maharlika Foundation...Actually the building is called Maharlika Building...hmmm...what's a Sweepstakes/Casino thingie doing there? -- oh right! they do charity works too....maybe that's the reason why they are beside the Maharlika Foundation. Maharlika Foundation does free operations here in Davao CIty, by the way, in case you guys who are reading this is not familiar with the org. They do medical missions every year I think...

Going back to being a dealer...

They don't publicly display their requirements let alone announce if they need one. I suggest for people who dream to be a casino dealer to take BS Math, studying math for four years might do the trick (waaah!)

I think you need to have a backer.

You know, that someone to steal ur resume from under the pile to put it on top. The one who paints a picture of you to the one who's in charge deciding who to give the job to that even leonardo da vincci will feel insecure of your being perfect in the tongue of your backer.

Tagem... hehehe.

If you just pass your resume without a good backer to take it out of the stack and slam it on whoever desk that must read that part of your life, it will go unnoticed as if it doesn't exist.

Giving your resume to the salty fish vendor would prove to be more productive coz he can use it to wrap te fish, if that's the case...

In almost all cases, backers are needed by applicants, not just in this type of job. and while this ensures the company a close knit set of employees...it closes the new applicants' chances of penetrating certain jobs regardless of how good one is.

It all then becomes one big game of chance for others and a stack of privileges for the few-- or something... or am i wrong?

anyways, I've searched the net to find out people writing about being a table supervisor and found one good answer to a post:

by Archgold

I am an ex-casino dealer in Pagcor. I was amazed sa mga inquiries sa taas. Well let me give my views.

You cannot apply directly to the Corporate office for the position of table supervisor. Someone must back you up. So if you think you can get hired just by passing your resume, forget it.

They "rarely" post job vacancies on newspapers kaya good luck.

Yes, nasa 20 to 30K ang pwedeng matanggap ng isang casino dealer and inclusive with meals during your shift and tip na rin.

I have worked as a TS for more than a year din and the reason I left is personal -- akin na lang yon.

Masaya sa casino lalo na pag Christmas season dahil sa mga bonuses etc.

In an 8-hour shift, almost 2 hours ang breaktime mo.

Other than those I mentioned above, let me say here the not so positive side.

1. Work here is shifting, like in call centers, and it's toxic when you are at night shift. Dami tao siyempre at night and especially weekends. At the start of the shift, each TS is assigned to a particular table.

2. If you've never been a passive smoker all your life, you will be when you work in the casino. In CF-Pavilion where the ceiling of the gaming area is so low, you may think you're in the middle of a fog unlike the gaming area in Cebu. So trip mong lumanghap ng passive smoke 6 hours per shift, pasok ka dito.

3. If you are the type of person who desires to climb the corporate ladder of success, I don't think casino is the best place. Once you become a TS, the next level up is the assistant gaming area manager or AGAM. AGAMs are relatively fewer compared to the table supervisors and unless you are a very prolific table supervisors backed with a recommendation from Malacanang, forget being promoted as AGAM. Why? -- There are many Senior table supervisors ahead of you by years and years of experience, most of them have reached their 40s and 50s still working as a table supervisor.

4. Are you the person who is always up for a challenging work and career? If yes, being a card dealer is not the job for you. With the routine, repetitive nature of your work, it gets very robotic and mechanical as months and years go by. At first, when I was new at my work as a TS, it was really exciting for me. Everyday, I learn something new and the surroundings and the environment never fail to fascinate me. But I realized as time went by I felt stuck. If I worked in a call center company, I would have greater chances of being promoted to the top compared to the casino. It's not really worth your time.

5. Are you the person who loves to please and entertain people? Well you might enjoy being a casino dealer then. You love to please every caprice, whim, and idiosyncrasy of the gamblers? You might fit in here. As for me, no way. These gamblers suck! A brood of greedy people always ready to gamble on whatever money they have on their hand for the empty thrill of winning in the casino -- I dont want to say anymore.

6. I have met in this place some of the most ill-bred and ill-mannered people you could ever think of! Cmon what do you expect to find in a casino anyway? Of course there are few exceptions and oh my they are very few indeed. You like working with co-employees who are "balahura" and "*****" plus arrogant and know-it-all superiors? Apply in the casino.

Before I end let me just say this... If you are a person with talent and ambition in life, working here should not be an option for you. Dont waste your talent in exchange for a secure job and just a "decent" income. It's not worth it. Working abroad is still a better option.

There are many opportunities around now so unless you're so desperate of your situation, dont get in here, especially if you think that your personality would not fit in.

I can say that during the time I worked in the casino, I could never boast of it to any of my relatives or friends. It's one of my biggest regrets in life...so please dont it be one of yours too.

hope you find that post a source of good info ^.^

anyways, on my first post on this topic, I gave out a link that made me dizzy... here it is: online kasino

if you can go and browse and not get dizzy... you might have a future heheheh...as for me...my future lies where the videoke machine is... good luck to the neighbors =P

see me now.

so what am i accountable for?
in this life of ruins where people are taught to wait for a tomorrow that never really comes.

what am i to fear? when I can only speak for myself and everything else becomes what i want it to be.

what am i to ask?
when I do not know what really makes me happy.

What is happiness anyway?

absurdly treading this part of my life where I've become a warrior of many things. But battles being fought for people you find special are very hard to do -- especially when they themselves are letting themselves get caught to be killed.

I tried so hard to design my life to please others while i secretly sneak out to glutton over things that i find enjoyable to kill my time.

But It's always the same.

Year after year.

Old Friends.
New Friends.
Young.
Old

Day after day, I still get impatient with the same old routine even with new faces to bear.
i find it a burden to hear people in ways where they find themselves unhappy of the state they are in.

But I cannot forever extend myself.

I cannot forever keep the basin of loneliness i feel because i do not find it in myself to walk away from the miseries of others.

I am in no way soft hearted.
I am not sentimental either.

However, I find it disturbing to see people getting stuck in that part of their lives and seeing that they don't even know it.
but it seems as if I am most apt to destroy characters, but then again, one can only destroy that which is brittle.
That's why when one locks to destroy, one focuses on nothing but the weaknesses.

so what am i to do?
I bang the wall, to find if it is sturdy enough.
It stands tall still...My wall is as strong as ever, but that never stopped me from banging a hole. Sooner of later, it will crumble...if that happens, what then?
will that make me realize?
what will that make me?

but what are they doing?
i am confused. i get lost just as i tangle within the sheets of my mind.
are they thinking what i'm thinking?
do they know that i am but a shell of confusing characters, trying to get hold what reality is all about...

excuse me...but do you know me?
because i've been looking for answers but until now, i cannot find one.

I become the people i am with.
that's why whenever i find myself alone, i find it hard to fit in.
i become the wall i am stuck with when no one is around.
mute.
hard.
cold.
forever an unwilling witness of other people's lives.
eternally immovable.
carefully listening.
vibrating with secrets.
basking in silence.
carefully waiting for the right moment...