Holy Week for the 'erehes' like me.

No - I'm not Catholic - but I am, oh so feeling the "Holy Week".

Not that my days are are really cheerful.  Despite the perky, bubbly, and happy-go-lucky attitude -- I am a homebuddy.  I have no problem with being in the four corners of my BEDROOM for endless days -- so staying home and roaming THE HOUSE is not really that much of an issue here... well, yeah a little bit -- I'd rather be in the bedroom... (I know, I'm pathetic -- I dont need you to know that).

Back to the Holy Week thing -- I am so feeling it because almots everybody seems to be pre-occupied with-- well recounting their sins.  But now that I am thinking of it-- I'm not sure. well, 

Haller...Holy week is about asking for forgiveness  -- thus the word REPENT is apt... not REMINISCE.  

Sheeesh. I have weird friends...they are borderline crazy! -- it's good that I'm only pathetic... ehehe!

hookay  - aside from my friends remembering their sins and not being sorry about it..the next subject to tackle at hand is the issue of Ate Neng's mom-- who is almost 6o years old-- and the reason that drove to her to runaway.  

Now, I am 25, but I do know the advantages of swallowing sermons, letting the hurtful words pass the right ear only to let it exit on the other ear... and having a nice bed to sleep in to cry my woes in silence...

Running away is a very tempting option...but never ever the most beneficial choice.  

In fact, it benefits you nothing but mosquito bites on the street, maybe a near-rape experience (mostly for girls -- hey -- gays can be really strong too, guys!), not to mention humiliating looks from strangers- coz you look like shit.  

Ever faced a mirror after you've cried your heart out? 

It makes you wanna cry more huh? 

Your heart is hurting and your face looks like someone scratched poison ivy on it.  The world is just too cruel.  Life is good at aiming where it really hurts, it just doesnt stop at your heart, it leaves a mark on your face -- that makes me think, nobody really died of heart attack looking beautiful. 

Damn! can you imagine a very vain person, who've invested thousands and thousands or pesos in perfecting their appearance only to die looking funny and weird?  It's like grooming your whole day for that one preformance of your life to look bad... 

and do you know what they put in the dead person's lips to make it look as if they are smiling? its EPOXY -- nope, Vicky Belo, will not be anywhere near a dead person for botox... sorry, Formaline is the standard agent to use to preserve your carcass.

Oh well, it's a good thing dead people don't walk like regular people -- nyehehe...Anyways, as we all cannot avoid to cry -- let's just avoid the mirror, shall we?

Now - where were we? oh! looking like shit and being in the streets -- well, you can avoid strangers by staying put, but if you are really adamant in leaving home, you can try putting make up on before running away- although we did have a talk about avoiding the mirror so that wouldn't work either -- you'd still look like shit...but with make up on...sorry.

But running away, in some cases might be the best option -- if and only if --

1.  you are a battered wife

no reason to stay and be a punching bag, I;m sure you'd be happier as a bag lady in the streets somewhere...

2. you are in the midst of flesh-eating neighbors

either there is something wrong with you -- or you're neighbor(s) - you don;t want to take chances with you;re neighbor-- after all, you know yourself (or something... i hope...)

3.  or you're wife caught you cheating... 

In regards to number 3 -- well, you do know that you can run but you can never hide right? either way, you're dead -- may the force be wiht you and may you get the purple sword of This-Jedi- that- was-SHAQ- in- this- other- movie when u most needed it. Good Luck and hope you don't get caught on the day Catholics consider as the day where the christ is dead... The best day would Christmas, where the joyful cheer is abundant and forgiving is a must.

Oh, this relationship thingie reminds me of the reason why Te Neng's mom ran away.  The issue was her eldest son and his wife is on a marital battle that might end up in a separation.  I can't seem to figure out what is her part here, aside from the fact that she is THE mother.

Oh well, what do I know about these things... nothing really =P 

Have a peaceful holy week everyone. Do the world a favor - Be good =P

my apologies for the not so holy thoughts this week.

see me now.

so what am i accountable for?
in this life of ruins where people are taught to wait for a tomorrow that never really comes.

what am i to fear? when I can only speak for myself and everything else becomes what i want it to be.

what am i to ask?
when I do not know what really makes me happy.

What is happiness anyway?

absurdly treading this part of my life where I've become a warrior of many things. But battles being fought for people you find special are very hard to do -- especially when they themselves are letting themselves get caught to be killed.

I tried so hard to design my life to please others while i secretly sneak out to glutton over things that i find enjoyable to kill my time.

But It's always the same.

Year after year.

Old Friends.
New Friends.
Young.
Old

Day after day, I still get impatient with the same old routine even with new faces to bear.
i find it a burden to hear people in ways where they find themselves unhappy of the state they are in.

But I cannot forever extend myself.

I cannot forever keep the basin of loneliness i feel because i do not find it in myself to walk away from the miseries of others.

I am in no way soft hearted.
I am not sentimental either.

However, I find it disturbing to see people getting stuck in that part of their lives and seeing that they don't even know it.
but it seems as if I am most apt to destroy characters, but then again, one can only destroy that which is brittle.
That's why when one locks to destroy, one focuses on nothing but the weaknesses.

so what am i to do?
I bang the wall, to find if it is sturdy enough.
It stands tall still...My wall is as strong as ever, but that never stopped me from banging a hole. Sooner of later, it will crumble...if that happens, what then?
will that make me realize?
what will that make me?

but what are they doing?
i am confused. i get lost just as i tangle within the sheets of my mind.
are they thinking what i'm thinking?
do they know that i am but a shell of confusing characters, trying to get hold what reality is all about...

excuse me...but do you know me?
because i've been looking for answers but until now, i cannot find one.

I become the people i am with.
that's why whenever i find myself alone, i find it hard to fit in.
i become the wall i am stuck with when no one is around.
mute.
hard.
cold.
forever an unwilling witness of other people's lives.
eternally immovable.
carefully listening.
vibrating with secrets.
basking in silence.
carefully waiting for the right moment...

empty me

bubbles.
soap suds.
hot chocolate.
dead television.
scattered slippers.
busted mobile phone
empty cups.
half-eaten cake.
torn pages.
somehow, in the process of running from my fears, i've lost myself.
nothing is left to be said but...save me.