writing my way to sleep.

where is mr. sandman when you need him?

I can feel the air getting colder and my feet are kinda liking it. Humming slowly to calm my wandering mind and making a havoc in other people's lives by sending unnecessary hellos via sms to people who don't want to be disturbed.

Im sorry. I am a bad girl. And this bad girl is having trouble sleeping. And just like any other bad girl, this little missy is making sure, her suffering of having another sleepless night is being shared with other people who've hit the bed with ease and who unfortunately have their cellphone under their pillow. Im sorry, but misery loves company.

My nocturnal friends have, to my disadvantage, gotten smarter. They know what to do now when they receive my sleepless-night-lovenotes...They ignore it. hehe. Or better yet, they reply with an invitation for me to come out of my hibernation to join them in their prowl of the city. Regardless of the fact that I may look like a party-girl, I am not. My semi-goth choices of clothes and make-up is something I wear because I like it...not because I have some goth-party to attend to...that's just me...weird. Anyway, an invitation to party out always make me stuck my tongue out in frustration. I rarely go out to socialize.

Don't get me wrong, I am a happy, outgoing little missy-- it's just that I have my own little party twirl in my head. A second party will just mess me up. A hot coco is a better preference to soothe my heart and calm my soul. Plus I grew up where parties are for special occasions. haha CHAR.

oh well.

My choices of whatever is the least of my concern tonight.
I am willing to give up my bloody red lipstick for a few winks from mr. sandman. Ok, let me throw my to skull tops too...
but please please don't ask for my slippers...they are expensive.

I know I should stop wearing slippers in my meetings...but I've totally given up wearing sandals and shoes for a year now that I find it quite difficult to give up the comfort of having my bare feet worshiped by friends and strangers alike. WOhoo! The comfort of feeling their eyes look at my stubby toes as it lightly taps in choreography that makes them wonder if the toes will even fall out sooner or later as they hold their breath in fascination.
Ok I made that up.

It's just comfortable...plus they're mine.

ok, now im starting to worry about my feet. Thank heavens, we have a just God, he gave you a pair of your own to worry over...if not -- you must have done something to piss him off. All I can say is...better learn how you did it and fast, before you start doing it again and have your organs removed next.

Lucky you if He chose the kidney first...if not --you might voluntarily offer that one...others get a Php100,000 in the exchange... but the money is actually not a payment for the organ...you cannot make God pay for something he made...the money you receive is a debt...to be paid in installments...within small measures of suffering when you urinate everyday...when your pissing with one leg up...that means, your interest just got higher.

Awww..that is sad... I don't want to give up my kidneys..not now. Not ever... well...except when I really have to. hehe. Giving up something we love or something that is a part of us will always be painful...It can come in the form of SBOD --shocking blow on delivery or to be experienced in installments of small measurements of suffering stretching from a week to half a millenium... But that is life. It is neither free nor fair. It has its own sets of jokes that we sometimes find cruel rather than funny... But its jokes are always funny. We just sometimes don't have the right sense of humor.

Speaking of which....so many things I want to say...but sleep has finally found it's way to me....hehe. good night world...hello mr. sandman. finally.

Holy Week for the 'erehes' like me.

No - I'm not Catholic - but I am, oh so feeling the "Holy Week".

Not that my days are are really cheerful.  Despite the perky, bubbly, and happy-go-lucky attitude -- I am a homebuddy.  I have no problem with being in the four corners of my BEDROOM for endless days -- so staying home and roaming THE HOUSE is not really that much of an issue here... well, yeah a little bit -- I'd rather be in the bedroom... (I know, I'm pathetic -- I dont need you to know that).

Back to the Holy Week thing -- I am so feeling it because almots everybody seems to be pre-occupied with-- well recounting their sins.  But now that I am thinking of it-- I'm not sure. well, 

Haller...Holy week is about asking for forgiveness  -- thus the word REPENT is apt... not REMINISCE.  

Sheeesh. I have weird friends...they are borderline crazy! -- it's good that I'm only pathetic... ehehe!

hookay  - aside from my friends remembering their sins and not being sorry about it..the next subject to tackle at hand is the issue of Ate Neng's mom-- who is almost 6o years old-- and the reason that drove to her to runaway.  

Now, I am 25, but I do know the advantages of swallowing sermons, letting the hurtful words pass the right ear only to let it exit on the other ear... and having a nice bed to sleep in to cry my woes in silence...

Running away is a very tempting option...but never ever the most beneficial choice.  

In fact, it benefits you nothing but mosquito bites on the street, maybe a near-rape experience (mostly for girls -- hey -- gays can be really strong too, guys!), not to mention humiliating looks from strangers- coz you look like shit.  

Ever faced a mirror after you've cried your heart out? 

It makes you wanna cry more huh? 

Your heart is hurting and your face looks like someone scratched poison ivy on it.  The world is just too cruel.  Life is good at aiming where it really hurts, it just doesnt stop at your heart, it leaves a mark on your face -- that makes me think, nobody really died of heart attack looking beautiful. 

Damn! can you imagine a very vain person, who've invested thousands and thousands or pesos in perfecting their appearance only to die looking funny and weird?  It's like grooming your whole day for that one preformance of your life to look bad... 

and do you know what they put in the dead person's lips to make it look as if they are smiling? its EPOXY -- nope, Vicky Belo, will not be anywhere near a dead person for botox... sorry, Formaline is the standard agent to use to preserve your carcass.

Oh well, it's a good thing dead people don't walk like regular people -- nyehehe...Anyways, as we all cannot avoid to cry -- let's just avoid the mirror, shall we?

Now - where were we? oh! looking like shit and being in the streets -- well, you can avoid strangers by staying put, but if you are really adamant in leaving home, you can try putting make up on before running away- although we did have a talk about avoiding the mirror so that wouldn't work either -- you'd still look like shit...but with make up on...sorry.

But running away, in some cases might be the best option -- if and only if --

1.  you are a battered wife

no reason to stay and be a punching bag, I;m sure you'd be happier as a bag lady in the streets somewhere...

2. you are in the midst of flesh-eating neighbors

either there is something wrong with you -- or you're neighbor(s) - you don;t want to take chances with you;re neighbor-- after all, you know yourself (or something... i hope...)

3.  or you're wife caught you cheating... 

In regards to number 3 -- well, you do know that you can run but you can never hide right? either way, you're dead -- may the force be wiht you and may you get the purple sword of This-Jedi- that- was-SHAQ- in- this- other- movie when u most needed it. Good Luck and hope you don't get caught on the day Catholics consider as the day where the christ is dead... The best day would Christmas, where the joyful cheer is abundant and forgiving is a must.

Oh, this relationship thingie reminds me of the reason why Te Neng's mom ran away.  The issue was her eldest son and his wife is on a marital battle that might end up in a separation.  I can't seem to figure out what is her part here, aside from the fact that she is THE mother.

Oh well, what do I know about these things... nothing really =P 

Have a peaceful holy week everyone. Do the world a favor - Be good =P

my apologies for the not so holy thoughts this week.

Feeling something wrong about something?

Do you ever have that feeling that something that shouldn't be happening is happening?
like your favorite dress getting ripped for no particular reason?
like your husband cheating on you?
like your bestfriend talking behind your back?
like that chocolate bar being stolen from your fridge?

That feeling that something, somewhere -- is just not right.

The thing with women's intuition, is that it's usually correct, especially when it's about your partner cheating on you. Am I not right ladies? we always have a sense that something is not right, regardless of the fact if he says he loves you everyday, every hour, every minute. Regardless if he kisses you everytime you come home...unexpectedly, you do't feel happy...jsut because...something's changed...all we have to do is wait to see that something...and usually, it's a girl, in mini skirt, high heels, and a make up that's more perfect than yours.

So what do we do? we often make them blurt it out, only to get screamed at, accused of, and just be told to that we are paranoid...how hurtful can that be. Don't they know that we can feel too? that we can sense difference if we are being "loved" differently these past few months?

So you don't love us anymore...why just not leave and save everybody the time and effort and humiliation. Leave and leave softly and gracefully. Just vanish without a trace after saying sorry that you floundered on your "till death do us part" vow.

So what I'm trying to drive at? your cold heart, i guess.

just perfect...

When I was a little girl, I imagined myself to be the perfect housewife. The woman who has the perfect hair, smile, and manners. Who gives out the perfect posture and reaction to any event. The one that opens her mouth in an O, with her perfect delicate left hand covering her lips while striking that perfect pose, every time she is surprised. A champ in the kitchen, the best in keeping the house clean, who knows every question her husband asks, and never ever gets angry in public.

Guess what i've become? the perfect opposite.

I have yet to cultivate the virtue of combing. When it's hot, I coil my hair with a pen. My favorite shirt is close to becoming a rag. I have a bad habit of chewing my nails. I pout and my eyes get to open up in a big O --> O.0 , making me look like a scared monkey, when I'm surprised. I've managed to put my mother's kitchen on fire (as for my kitchen, I am cautious, I have a cook -- *evil laugh - mwahahahah!), my room is almost always a mess of books, papers, and lots and lots of scattered pillows. And although I don't put out my tantrums for other people to get a show, i pout, and pout, and pout. So far, I can answer almost all of my boyfriend's questions -- but I get to be called a smartass in the end.

I wonder what went wrong when I had it all figured out perfectly. bleah!