Saturday, December 26, 2009
a short story.
Back from my mom's abode and facing the pc again. It's not raining, but im shivering inside. Emotions that I cannot express are cartwheeling inside my chest and tummy. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. My fingers are stiff from these tumultuous feelings and my feet are cold.
I'm not the best partner in the world, I know. And certainly I'm not getting the "most romantic lover" award for the 2009. But when I love...I really love. And so when I hurt...I really get hurt.
I am scared to give myself wholly, he may not take care of it. I might be left with nothing when he leaves me. I anticipate rejection even before I open myself to the other. And all it takes is one serious mistake. One stupidity. One carelessness to burst my fantasy bubble. I always compare my relationships (be it romantic or not) to crystal glasses.When the glass breaks, you can always try to piece it up together...but it will never be the same. If it breaks, it breaks...and you get a new one.
I find it useless to risk cutting myself patching a sharp broken glass back together again...You cannot do it anyway...with tears in your eyes and numb fingers...with deafening silence that cuts your heart in two...what can you do with a tired soul and a bleeding heart? nothing. Not one useful thing.
Monday, December 21, 2009
It is quite obvious that the genius who made this type of "disaster" is familiar with the "domino effect". However, in this case, instead of pushing the dominoes, you light the firecracker...and so it goes until it ends. It won't stop to see if you have severed a finger or two... If you stupidly wrapped it in your neck for a fur-like effect, it won't pause to even look at your head blow off...and it might not even be over when your head hits the ground. It follows no other schedule aside from its own. It will not apologize for dismembering any part of your body. Chances are, it might sue you for being there and possibly softening its effect because it had to hit your appendage or head. It will not forgive anti-climax factors...like you. Holidays are supposed to be a blast...It frowns on such... If you are...you will suffer.
or plan a party...offer sushi. Hehe.
Ok. I will stop. This is morbid and I am smiling too much -- which is sick.
Oh well...Merry Christmas everyone ^.^
Friday, December 18, 2009
- DON’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE HIM lyrics
I don't know how to love him.
I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before,
In very many ways,
He's just one more.
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny,
I should be in this position.
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,
Running every show.
He scares me so.
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?
Yet, if he said he loved me,
I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head. I'd back away.
I wouldn't want to know.
He scares me so.
I want him so.
I love him so.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
death is as common as can be. everyobody I know is always related to someone dead.
We, ourselves are going that way...But it still sends shivers everytime I am informed of a death, especially of a loved one. Confronted with this reality, we tend to question our mortality. We look for ways to validate the fact that we are living the life we want. or the life we thought we want.
*Sigh. suddenly, just knowing we wont see him again, instantly I immediately want to see him. Pathetic. Pathetic and too late. Does he know that I see him special? Does he know I see him as a good friend?
the answer holds no value now.... ---right? questions and answers are for people who can question and answer...I wish the opposite though, but that would mean, we'd have to bring him back to life... please -- find someone who can arrange.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Solvent overdose of the year.
a mixture of rugby, thinner, and paint --- sniffed to the highest level --- resulted to a salon cruise that involved threading and perm.
Martin and I started painting the office. We felt creative that day... Too creative perhaps... If there is one thing I have learned so far -- it is the fact that being high may result in unwanted hair perm.
White and sticky. It came in the form of a gallon of stuff that just wont stop from trickling to our elbows when all we wanted was for it to stick the wall.
**We were left to our own devices and thus painted our way to destroying the already-in-shambles-studio.
mission number one.
status: over and done with
drip.drip.drip --- while singing I have two hands.
The bottles of thinner.
Clear liquid used by people who doesnt know what they are doing. Primarily used to clean up various indescribable mess on the floor.
status: partly accomplished.
Requirement: you must love the art of stooping. NOt reccomended for people who are in the dying age.
The Mafia Boss -- the rugby.
sticky white goo that smells so strong that your spirit just fly out of you.
Caution: is alive!!!!
Mision three a.k.a. Mission Impossible
status: it's complicated
Carpet has not been installed yet. And so covered with paint, martin and I decided to create another fiasco -- and in our little hands is the bottle of rugby and on the floor, the black carpet laid to be exploited... Little did we know...that would be the icing on top of the cake.
Without further ado, let me confirm your suspicions-- yes, you are right, we struggled to paste it on the floor...oh yes we did...in a very bad way... Its like teaching grandma the pretzel.Mission number three--- is mission impossible times three.
at the end of the day, we have practically perfected the technique of smelling through our ears.
The rugby smell was so strong we got knocked out so bad that resulted to an even more mess that resulted to the towing of my beast as suggested by my mechanic because he just couldn't make "Colonel" roar back into life in the office parking lot. The painting took a week and my truck was dead for almost a week also. he was trying to resuscitate for five days already. He said, the beast needed to be taken to his shop.
Nobody said being a Laborer is really a labor...sheesh
What could have happened?
All I remember is that Martin and I were in the car wanting to go home. The next thing I remember, I was in the office couch the next morning and my car is not starting.Don't ask me, your guess is as good as mine.
HAIR -aside from the dead brain cells due to solvent inhalation
I was so stressed with the fact that my beast has no life and has to be towed that I made the wrong decision of stepping into THE salon -- insisting that i get a perm.
The lady said no.
I should have listened.
Huhu...but anyways...crying over spilled milk is useless. I'm determined to be happy about this...and I will be! drat - Lalalala!
oh...and yes... I am now officially not straight...
no, not that way, pervert.
Friday, October 30, 2009
where is mr. sandman when you need him?
I can feel the air getting colder and my feet are kinda liking it. Humming slowly to calm my wandering mind and making a havoc in other people's lives by sending unnecessary hellos via sms to people who don't want to be disturbed.
Im sorry. I am a bad girl. And this bad girl is having trouble sleeping. And just like any other bad girl, this little missy is making sure, her suffering of having another sleepless night is being shared with other people who've hit the bed with ease and who unfortunately have their cellphone under their pillow. Im sorry, but misery loves company.
My nocturnal friends have, to my disadvantage, gotten smarter. They know what to do now when they receive my sleepless-night-lovenotes...They ignore it. hehe. Or better yet, they reply with an invitation for me to come out of my hibernation to join them in their prowl of the city. Regardless of the fact that I may look like a party-girl, I am not. My semi-goth choices of clothes and make-up is something I wear because I like it...not because I have some goth-party to attend to...that's just me...weird. Anyway, an invitation to party out always make me stuck my tongue out in frustration. I rarely go out to socialize.
Don't get me wrong, I am a happy, outgoing little missy-- it's just that I have my own little party twirl in my head. A second party will just mess me up. A hot coco is a better preference to soothe my heart and calm my soul. Plus I grew up where parties are for special occasions. haha CHAR.
My choices of whatever is the least of my concern tonight.
I am willing to give up my bloody red lipstick for a few winks from mr. sandman. Ok, let me throw my to skull tops too...
but please please don't ask for my slippers...they are expensive.
I know I should stop wearing slippers in my meetings...but I've totally given up wearing sandals and shoes for a year now that I find it quite difficult to give up the comfort of having my bare feet worshiped by friends and strangers alike. WOhoo! The comfort of feeling their eyes look at my stubby toes as it lightly taps in choreography that makes them wonder if the toes will even fall out sooner or later as they hold their breath in fascination.
Ok I made that up.
It's just comfortable...plus they're mine.
ok, now im starting to worry about my feet. Thank heavens, we have a just God, he gave you a pair of your own to worry over...if not -- you must have done something to piss him off. All I can say is...better learn how you did it and fast, before you start doing it again and have your organs removed next.
Lucky you if He chose the kidney first...if not --you might voluntarily offer that one...others get a Php100,000 in the exchange... but the money is actually not a payment for the organ...you cannot make God pay for something he made...the money you receive is a debt...to be paid in installments...within small measures of suffering when you urinate everyday...when your pissing with one leg up...that means, your interest just got higher.
Awww..that is sad... I don't want to give up my kidneys..not now. Not ever... well...except when I really have to. hehe. Giving up something we love or something that is a part of us will always be painful...It can come in the form of SBOD --shocking blow on delivery or to be experienced in installments of small measurements of suffering stretching from a week to half a millenium... But that is life. It is neither free nor fair. It has its own sets of jokes that we sometimes find cruel rather than funny... But its jokes are always funny. We just sometimes don't have the right sense of humor.
Speaking of which....so many things I want to say...but sleep has finally found it's way to me....hehe. good night world...hello mr. sandman. finally.
Friday, September 25, 2009
I was already looking the part, with my red high platform havas to match the red rubbers of my braces, I was ready to enter the dark side.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
our VIP guests will surely purr in contentment
We have started last year and now on our second year of celebrating good relationship with clients and friends. We've done the Cultural and Fierce performances last year, this year, we have decided to do an intimate gathering for selected guests. A muted elegant atmosphere with complementing music and a more warm setting this time. Lighting it up with incense and scented candles coupled with relaxing free massages, facial spa, special treats...
Felicitea, Market Basket | Friday, 6:00 pm | Sept 04, 2009
This theme is being inspired by the uprising buzz of SPAs in Davao City. Of course, doing a SPA Party means we'd be introducing something in that line too. Soon to open in December: REJUVENASI, Davao's first anti-aging SPA. With treatments using Galvanic method, everyone can now age gracefully...literally.
Our signature Facial
Rejuvenasi Signature Facial
To calm, balance, and revitalize
45min - 1hr | Php 1,500
Skin regenerative results in just a few minutes
The luxurious facial spa you all have been waiting for. Pampering you with a 5-10 minute facial massage infused with Marigold, sea kelp, and vanilla extracts to soothe and condition the skin. Followed by 5-10 minute Hydrating spa treatment. Indulging you with 5-10 minute massage of Arginine to help your skin recover from stress. And lastly a rich facial spa treatment of Magnesium to energize, invigorate and revitalize.
Effects: restore skin's natural vibrancy by removing impurities and promoting cellular energy. Slows the signs of Aging, instantly erases crows’ feet and laugh lines, lifts up sagging facial features, cleanses and hydrates leaving skin feeling incredibly soft, clean, and refreshed.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
green and orange lights is constantly distracting my reflective mood. But Roberto and Bincatot is here and both are a distraction themselves...in the best sense (both good and bad). Roberto just recently asked me what do i need? Never mind the premise of such question. Hmmm...so what do i really need? a backscratch and a footrub. My warm bed, my books, and the incandescent glow of my night lamp...
but somewhere along the way, after the nth time i got annoyed because of no particular reason, I found me a little home sweet home. In the 5th floor of azotea de bel air are 3 bunks for the urban tiger like me. Clean and fresh, cozy and vibrant...warm people that treat you like family -- exactly what i need. It's a treasure in the heart of makati -- and in front of tito chito's watering hole.
I still find manila impossibly noisy and crowdedthere are some things that you just have to surrender to. I was in Agave when I first wrote the first few paragraphs of this blog. The lights, I bet, are still blinking in its orange and green glow there, the dj must be probably playing a different set of music in the same volume range.-- enough to jumble your already mixed up brain but a few notches short of making you a permanent deaf. A group or two must be crowding their tables outside with maybe a loner in a corner drowning silent tears with a bottle of beer... maybe a chick with a margarita, trying to get drunk for the first time. But one girl is missing...ME. I'm not there seeking my solitude amidst the loud melody of their music...I bet Roberto is somewhere in Merville doing things I would probably be doing if I was him. I don't think Agave will miss me... But the lights might notice that a fan is missing its glorious display of oragne and green tint. Do you think it will look for me?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
"congratulations for making sure everybody die an equal death, may we all rest in peace"
But does distance really have to do with it?
A Partner you cannot stand to lose.
It is not a long distance relationship -- it is an impossibility-made-possible relationship.
Bummer if God doesn't really exist.Double bummer if he does and you committed adultery.
Friday, July 03, 2009
I don't know.
yes, until it shakes off that uncertainty of feeling and not feeling, knowing and not knowing, living and not existing. Of being fearful and intrigued, of being bashed and battered and feeling satisfied.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Mothers and Hunger
- More than 60 percent of chronically hungry people in the world – around 580 million people – are women. (Source: FAO)
- In 2008, 82% of WFP’s beneficiaries were women and children.
- Educated mothers have healthier families. Their children are better nourished, less likely to die in infancy and more likely to attend school. (Source: FAO)
- Increasing opportunities for mothers has a particularly strong impact on hunger because women devote much more of their income directly to feeding their families than men do. One study found that increasing women's primary schooling could boost agricultural output by 24%. (Source: World Bank)
- As women have unequal access to resources, a food crisis - such as 2008’s high food and fuel prices crisis and the present financial crisis – only worsens the situation.
- Continuing high food prices have forced families to reduce their food intake while increasing the workload of women in order to earn more income to purchase food.
- Breaking the cycle of hunger and poverty at its roots begins with women. Hunger breeds insecurity and often exacerbates circumstances that lead to conflict and crisis, and creates situations where women and girls are often the victims of abuse, rape and violence.
- A quarter of all hungry people are children. All too often, child hunger is inherited: up to 17 million children are born underweight annually, the result of inadequate nutrition before and during pregnancy. (Source: Unicef)
- Around 50% of pregnant women in developing countries are anaemic. Lack of iron increases the risk of death of the mother at delivery, accounting for at least 20% of maternal mortality. (Source: Kraemer, K. and Zimmermann, M.B. Nutritional Anaemia, Sight and Life, 2007)
- Children born to iodine-deficient mothers have been shown to have an average 13.5 point lower IQ than children born to iodine-replete mothers. (Source: Bleichrodt, N. and Born, M.P. A Meta-analysis of Research on Iodine and its Rrelationship to Cognitive Development. The Damaged Brain of Iodine Deficiency,
, Cognitizant Communication, 1994) New York
- As a result, women, and in particular expectant and nursing mothers, often need special or increased intake of food.
- The prevention of maternal and child undernutrition is a long-term investment that will benefit the present as well as the future generation.
- Women are the world’s primary food producers, yet cultural traditions and social structures often mean women are much more affected by hunger and poverty than men.
- In most developing countries women produce between 60 and 80% of food, but own less than 2% of the world’s titled land. (Source: Rural Development Institute)
- A mother will often be the last to eat – instead saving food for her children and other family members.
- There is a danger that mothers will engage in negative coping mechanisms, such as prostitution, in order to provide for their families in times of hardship.
What WFP Does to Help Mothers and Other Women
- As the world’s largest humanitarian organisation, WFP feeds the world’s hungriest and most vulnerable people – the overwhelming majority of whom are women and children.
- WFP’s policy on gender issues has been in place and guiding our work since the mid 80s.
- WFP uses a range of activities to empower mothers and their daughters, providing vital skills and income-earning opportunities through Food for Training and Food for Work programmes.
- WFP supports children and mothers by providing them with nutritious foods during the critical stages of their lives, including childhood and pregnancy. Our focus is not to just give any food, but to give quality, fortified foods to ensure that we contribute to the nutrient needs of newborns, pregnant and nursing women.
- WFP works with national governments, the African Union, FAO, IFAD and others to encourage increased sustainable food production and a ‘green revolution’ in
Africa. Women smallholder farmers are key to unlocking this potential.
- WFP supports women smallholder farmers through our local purchasing of food. Half of WFP’s budget comes in the form of cash and we use 80% of that cash to purchase food from farmers in the developing world.
- WFP gives extra take-home food rations to girls in our school feeding programmes. This virtually guarantees that girls will attend school, even in cultures where women have had no access to education.
- In crisis and conflict situations WFP works closely with our female partners in implementing our projects, including food distributions. In 2008, 574,000 women were in leadership positions on food management committees, an increase of 140% over the previous year.
- In camps for refugees and IDPs we allocate family food vouchers to women, thus helping to protect them against abductions and violence. Also, the nutritional support we provide to formerly abducted children, especially girls, has facilitated their social reintegration and reduced their vulnerability to sexual exploitation and abuse.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Note to myself -- you have less than five days to linger in oblivion---come back before the 10th -- you have a scheduled shoot to do.