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Saturday, December 26, 2009

broken promise


a short story.

Back from my mom's abode and facing the pc again. It's not raining, but im shivering inside. Emotions that I cannot express are cartwheeling inside my chest and tummy. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. My fingers are stiff from these tumultuous feelings and my feet are cold.

I'm not the best partner in the world, I know. And certainly I'm not getting the "most romantic lover" award for the 2009. But when I love...I really love. And so when I hurt...I really get hurt.

I am scared to give myself wholly, he may not take care of it. I might be left with nothing when he leaves me. I anticipate rejection even before I open myself to the other. And all it takes is one serious mistake. One stupidity. One carelessness to burst my fantasy bubble. I always compare my relationships (be it romantic or not) to crystal glasses.When the glass breaks, you can always try to piece it up together...but it will never be the same. If it breaks, it breaks...and you get a new one.

I find it useless to risk cutting myself patching a sharp broken glass back together again...You cannot do it anyway...with tears in your eyes and numb fingers...with deafening silence that cuts your heart in two...what can you do with a tired soul and a bleeding heart? nothing. Not one useful thing.



5 comments:

teddyfuckingballgame said...

Your words leave me breathless, your words bring me feelings which range from standing atop Everest, screaming to the sunrise my joy and my wonder to plunging over the edge, falling, falling down into an oblivion beyond any comprehension. Your words, like you, bring me everything. You remember, every moment, every second, you will never ever be alone and neither shall I. I am here for you, I am here with you. I am in love

Anonymous said...

It seems remarkable phrase to me is

13thWiTCH | Teddyfuckingballgame said...

@teddyfuckingballgame - smiles...awww

lifebecomesme said...

a tired soul and a bleeding heart? nope. no more heart here.haha asa na ka sa earth mama ley?

13thWiTCH said...

@lifebecomesme -- naa ko davao ron hehehe! ikaw aha ka?