april silence is now over.

Looking at my archive, it seems as if I only posted one entry for the month of April. Oh well, it was a busy month...a stressful busy one. I will be updating this blog baby often too. I need the therapy. I can feel my neurons short circuiting not because of overload. Waaaahhh.... I feel like I'm in the middle of a not so sturdy bamboo raft in the middle of a gushing river. Holding my breath and keeping my mind blank -- too scared to even think of a single word for the fear that the weight of it will make the raft sink...a bad case on my part...I am a bad swimmer...in fact, I don't know how to swim at all. I'll learn the virtue of combing my hair first before I start to learn complicated stuff.

Patience is also another thing I must learn to love -- reminding myself not to be irritated by the smallest matters like the endless ringing of my phone, the constant reminder to not be late, or the repetitive monologue of somebody who wants to get his points clear and to release the stress due to an impending 'puke attack' is something i have to live with everyday. I am not a cheery person, although some would disagree...believe me, see me in my own corner, working, oblivious to the world, the happy colors just fade away -- and if you ever try to disturb me while I'm in the midst of an important task, I can assure you, you'll get a growl as a response.

I am not moody though -- being moody has to do with changing one's "feel" for the day. I don't change moods, my brows are constantly knitted. Maybe, one of the reason is that, I live in this, oh so, isolated part of the city, where the taxi is a phonecall away but an eternity to wait for... a heart attack is most likely to come by before a taxi crosses your path. And when one comes, expect competition -- tons of it.

It's better to walk. It exercises your mind -- it makes you think murderous thoughts due to your present predicament, and it's good for the heart too...

My best solution for this, though, is to never go out. And believe me, it works. Just be sure to have phone credits or net connection, and yes, don't forget the cable. Never mind the food. A human being can go by a week without water and months without food... Good thing air is free -- even if you fart too much, there will be lots and lots for everybody...for now. So there, kill your social life, and you'll see the blank walls in your room beome alive... in the coming weeks, you'll start to see things... you'll start to hear strange noises (someone calling your name even if there is nobody there)...Unless your name is Barbara, there is nothing to be scared of. Even Spiritual entities will be too amused to see how long you can endure this regimen, expect them to bet whether you'll overcome this or not. If you start to see the tables dance, or a dead loved one rising from the kettle steam as it whistles -- don't worry, that dead loved one is not real... it's just hallucination due to starvation and isolation. It's practically normal for someone to see and hear things when you are alone and hungry.

Soon you'll start to talk to yourself and hear it answer too! you'll notice (if you still can) that you are more alert and that you have gained super strength and speed.

It's normal. Do not be afraid. Nothing weird is happening, you are just losing your mind.

Ignorance goes a long way....or something.

In this part of my world, sex talk is still a taboo... calling your private parts in their own name, even in medical context, can even cause red faces and crossed eyebrows. But the catch is...everyone assumes almost everyone is doing IT.

I'm not saying sex talk is a must over every cup of coffee shared with a friend -- what I am driving at is, let's face the fact that some 4.9 million young adults, with ages raging from 15 ( yes, you read it right, one and five, fifTEEN) to 24 are sexually active even before they tie the knot. Statistically speaking, 1.6 million of them are not only active, but are actually doing it with multiple partners and some 400,000 did it with the same sex. That's a freakin high number with a crazy low percentage of only 19% who are smart enough to use contraception to protect themselves from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases like HIV-AIDS.

Did I scare you? ok, don't get carried away and let me stop you from buying your kids condoms and don't even think about the phrase "Go out and multiply" as an opening line to your kids as you picture yourself handing them the goods...Noooooo -- sending them armed but not teaching them how to use the weapon is like but sending a kid to battle with an uzi -- by the time the war starts -- he scrambles, only to have the weapon backfire to his face, he'll surely come running back with an accusing finger shouting "it's your fault!"... well, that is, if he survives the bang... as most kids don't, especially women. With our patriarchal society in constant watch for unwed mothers, "loose" girls, and the like, we find ourselves in the midst of struggling teens trying to grow up too soon because of necessity and guilt...ending up more confused and shattered than before.

So pretending that a rise in number of unwanted pregnancies is not happening is just downright dumb... Well, there is that occasional parent that really believes that their children are not doing it and was only able to find out otherwise when- surprise! surprise! - she found out she was pregnant. Babies are bundles of joy, of course... and when they come, you just have to welcome them with open arms...but babies are also very expensive bundles of joy...lucky for those who can afford...unlucky for the 80% Filipinos who dwells at the bottom of the pyramid ( inverted or not - bleah!)... STDs (or STIs - Sexually transmitted Infections - as it is fondly called now), on the other hand will never be bundles of joys...they itch and they produce foul smells -- and 80% of peole who have them, don't even know they have them...now, let me ask you -- would you rather have a pasaway kid or would you rather have a pasaway kid with STD? hmmm.... I hope that made you stop and think.

Anyways, I don't see parents anxiously pushing their children to an open sex talk soon -- most of the parents don't know how to start it. Who could blame them...most likely, their parents didn't do it either...and also, timing is everything...and timing can be a bit --- hard to figure out. To pre-empt the talk would be like pushing them to war prematurely, doing it too late can be --- well, too late. *slaps my forehead!

So why is sex a taboo? maybe it's not...we just mistook it as one...a child asked her mom, "what is sex?" -- the mom, wide-eyed, embarrassed, and definitely stunned-- she spats, "shut up!"... child goes to dad, asks the same question and gets the same response...Child goes away thinking..."sex is shut up (?)"...what is shut up? a playmate offers...."something the french invented?"... Waaaah! *tagem!

A CRY TO SAVE HATTERAS & OCRACOKE

a cry to save the place they call home by a friend and people of Hatteras and Ocracoke
please take your time to visit their site and send your "Pleacast"

supporters and volunteers are welcome

Contact person - Michael Lancsek
Cape Hatteras Seashore Protection Association:
info@savehatteras.com

for in depth coverage of this issue go to ISLAND FREE PRESS

Repost, spread the word, and make a difference.

---------------- http://www.savehatteras.com/ -----------------

"PleaCast" Preserve & Save Hatteras - Ocracoke Island

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THIS IS WHAT BECAME OF HATTERAS & OCRACOKE?

SPEAK OUT OR IT MAY HAPPEN! "PleaCast"

March 22 Rally 9-10AM - Cape Point, Buxton

Rally Info! Call: Rob Alderman (Hatteras Fishing Militia) +12523052017

March 27th at 6:30 PM meeting at the Fessenden Center in Buxton - Make a Donation

PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE AND SEND A "PleaCast." SUPPORT COMPLETE BEACH ACCESS!

KEEP ACCESSES OPEN TO ALL: This is "PleaCast" for all supporters who want to keep the beach accesses open for all to enjoy. Submitting this plea will not only go to the Cape Hatteras Seashore Protection Association, but also to the groups who have filed the lawsuits to restrict beach access, along with many others who are already negotiating to resolve this issue. Preserve our economy, community, & recreational resources). SEND A "PleaCast"

In Fall of 2007, National Audubon Society, The Defenders of Wildlife and the Southern Environmental Law Center filed suit in Federal District Court against the United States of America to limit or ban access to many of the primary areas of the Cape Hatteras National Seashore, including Oregon Inlet, Cape Point, most of Ocracoke and others. On March 13, 2008 the Dept of Justice declined to contest the lawsuit which will be heard April 4, 2008 in Raleigh NC. This means that the beach access will be effectively closed at that time. This will also have a devastating effect on property values and the economy as a whole.

Remember April 4, 2008 is just around the corner.


---------------- PLEASE VOICE AN OPINION - FORUM-----------------

Senator Basnight's Letter - 1952 Coastland Times Article - "Save Hatteras" Blog
1952 Coastland Times Article - US Congressman Walter Jones - 1952 Coastland Times Article
Virginia Pilot, Raleigh Chronicle, NC Coast Articles


PRINT A SIGN HERE PRINT A SIGN HERE PRINT A SIGN HERE


Contact the Cape Hatteras Seashore Protection Association: info@savehatteras.com

SEND A "PleaCast"

SUPPORT THESE GROUPS:

Outer Banks Preservation Assoc.

DONATE! Please

Cape Hatteras Anglers

NC Beach Buggy Association

sorry for the slow update

hi guys, i wasn't able to blog for a few days coz i was in the hospital.
as of now, im ok,but still am traumatized by the needle they so insist on using on me...

will update soon...but for now, pls. let the sick lady rest, ok? ^.^

name that animal ^.^

isn't the tiger cute?

i wish i have a tiger as a pet
don't think it will yield good results if that wish ever come true though.

anyways...my friend went to cambodia and gave me this picture..
.and I'm so envious because he gets to be there and
he gets to pose for this cool pic. So to spite him, I thought I'd do a contest.

NAME THAT ANIMAL!
and no I don't mean the tiger ^.^

name him and whoever gets his name first
will get 50 credits in entrecard ^.^
and a 125x125 banner ad of your blog.

oh, don't forget to drop ur cards ok? and do put
your blog link after you name him ^.^

**this playful exchange will run for two weeks starting its post date

that part of my life.

Hungry people listens not to reason,
nor cares for justice, nor is bent by any prayers.
--by Seneca --

Help with your click

I used to be a part of a non-government organization and it was one of the best things that happened to me. I was not just a part of it, I was living it. Climbing mountains, hiking for half a day, being with indigenous people and living their lives for a few days, trying to create a better environment for them through our org's projects like alternative education and sustainable agriculture is something that just doesn't happen everyday for everybody.

Of course, it made a strong blow to my personal relationships, leaving a gaping hole at the end. My ex-husband couldn't accept the fact that my job entails more than the needed 8-hour shift in the office.

That I am on-call even on weekends. That I go home in the middle of the night and sometimes, I just can't because transportion is unavailable and that it involves walking for half a day to even reach the nearest motorcycle available. He couldn't bear me coming home in mud and muck, all messed up, tired and groggy from the trip.

My mother was hysterical as what I've become...no make up, always in jeans and slippers, and always never there. My children barely recognized me --- in the end, everything crashed. And when it did, I lost everything. My family, my children, my friends, the life I knew... I had to quit my job.

Sometimes, we make choices and when everything fell apart, I chose to start over again, but the only thing I opted to keep was my children. A relationship that entails a mandatory obligation that it not be put in the backseat ever, is something that is too much for me, so I lost my partner. A job that will further take me away from my children no matter how valuable it is, is something I cannot bear. How can I make a difference to strangers while my children is hating me. And maybe, when my children don't need me anymore, I'd be given a chance to come back. My mom is happy to see me back and someone is being there for me. I am happy...for now.

But leaving was difficult. Everytime I feed my children, I sometimes wonder if those children I met in the province are eating well. Everytime I kiss my kid goodbye before she goes to her class, I wonder if those indigenous children have a teacher teaching them basic alphabet. Whenever I am out with my family, I wonder if the families I was with in the mountains was able to have a good harvest....there are things you just can't simply forget...things you'll alwyas worry about...and it sometimes make me restless.

And so, when I stumbled upon the Link To Us website, it made me think of my days when I was active in such projects. Please click on the banners and each click will bring food, security and service to the people who needs it...it's just a matter of a fraction of your time....

Hungry people, scared animals, children who wants to learn, better health services -- we all can contribute in our own little ways...put together, it can make a big difference.

are you thinking what i'm thinking?

I was out yesterday - and i saw a lot of foreigners with their Filipina partners. And these various thoughts invaded my mind...

• Are they (meaning caucasian or black foreigners) choosing asian mates becuase we are "small" and our culture dictates that we become submissive?
• Is it because they are young (asian females in this type of relationship are mostly young, just a few years above 18 or so)?
• nice couple --- he is young!
  
• where did he find her? --net, clubs, malls?
• what the heck is he thinking? (especially if the girl is not that pretty and the guy is)
• so that's exotic for him? (again at an aesthetic level -- yes, I'm shallow!)
• why are they walking so far apart?
• why is he not holding her hand?
• why is she dressed that way?
• why is he bald?
• he walks funny
• nice purse
• are they really in love?

and because I am just particularly nosy on other people's business, here are some of the things I came up after pondering those couples that passed by while I sip my strawberry shake.

Sexually speaking - asians are small compared to caucasian and black women. If anybody read my re-post on "Does penis size matter?" - we are, in diameter, a half inch or so smaller to caucasian girls and 1-1.5 inches smaller than black women. Paired with our own race, we do fit perfectecly -- on average, asian men are smaller by half inch to caucasians and caucasians are half inch smaller compared to black men. So sexually speaking, asians may tend to be more attractive to caucasian/black men because not only do most asian women look exotic with their yellow or mocha skin, they will be 'tight' for them until the woman becomes adjusted to their size.

The west has a stereotype over asian women that's called the "china doll stereotype" where women from both Far East & South East Asia are portrayed as exotic sexual beings...like felines...who visually yawns and secretly plots...

the China doll stereotype and other variations of this submissive stereotype exist in American movies: "Geisha Girl/Lotus Flower/Servant/China Doll: Submissive, docile, obedient, reverential (including Asian men as effeminate, servile); Vixen/Sex Nymph: Sexy, coquettish, manipulative; tendency toward disloyalty or opportunism; Prostitute/Victim of Sex Trade/War/Oppression: Helpless, in need of assistance or rescue; good-natured at heart." wikepedia

Of course, this is not a learned observation and I am just expressing an opinion based upon what I am noticing and what I have read -- some pieces of useful junk I've found in books and over the net. Just because it made sense to me - doesnt mean it is the absolute truth.

Ok, now that I've written the disclaimer, I'm more comfotable to babble. wehehhe! don't wanna get sued, you know.ANd if you ever stubbed your toe and lost your foot because what I'm ranting here is making you choke, I am in no way liable for your clumsiness.

(where was i?)

Culturaly speaking, asian women, in their patriarchal prisons have learned the art of pleasing their men. We please our men, although the rise of feminism is rampant these days, a lot of women have yet to know and believe their rights as human beings. Generally speaking, women do nag, rant, complain, have the ability to push you to bankcruptcy becuase of their expenditures -- my mom have this ability to talk like an machine gun - ratatatatatatatat! -- that makes my dad shakes his head -- but when the man of the house raises his right as the head of the household, most likely asian women bow down to the authority. It may not be willingly, but asian women recognizes the power of the male dominance in the family. You cannot expect the aisan woman to pack her bags immediately - she may argue, shout, complain - but it will take her a long time to leave her partner, even in the presence of physical abuse.

In terms of fidelity, most asian women would ask their partners to be discreet in their affairs to avoid any circumstances where it can shame the family. Children are taught to honor their fathers and are instructed to respect them, no matter what. Same goes with the mothers, but it is more important that the children look up to their dads. It is prevalent in an Asian household that children hold their tongue back until they are allowed to speak and argue with their parents, especially with their father...and it is always in a respectful manner and always without the presence of any guests. Children are taught to not defy their father in front of guests, if one chooses to do so, a harsh punishment is awaiting them. It is the honor of the father that his children show respect and it is his disgrace if any sign of imputence from his wife and family is shown in front of his friends and collegues.

Caucasian men on the other hand, have been stereotyped by asian women as promiscuous. Who date around and dating means sleeping around. Who sleep around, and sleeping around doesn't necesarily mean he is in a commitment.

Plus, I know someone who knows a taxi driver who hates foreigners becaase he gets to witness how foreigners change women everyday...so that's one point. And me personally, I saw this one caucasian guy, he was with this curly hairde asian girl, we were in singapore airport then, I'm going home to the Phil, he is riding the same plane -- and a few days later, when I was in Cebu and was with may friend, we saw him with a different girl...I think he recognized me, he didn't enter the restaurant we were in and opted to go somewhere else. Ok OK, I'm gossiping... erase erase erase

In terms of asian women committing adultery, I don't know. Although asian women has been portrayed in the west as "aggresive sexual beings" (what's that song again?..."a lady on the street but a freak in the bed" =P) in many movies, the life of a conservative asian woman is void of dates and friendly dinners with the opposite sex. It is a disgrace to her family to be seen with a man alone, except if it is her husband or son. Although this tradition is slowly changing as more and more young asian women are more and more open in terms of their views of life and relationships.

Things are really slowly changing though. Foreigners looking for Asian wives are more reciprocated especially in the provincial areas.

• A foreigner may look like a savior to a starving asian family (believe me, I've met people who makes sure she marries a foreigner a career).
• An angel to free her from her patriarchal prison.
• An adventure to see other places and acquire things she's only dreamed of for herself or for her family.
• A sacrifice she has to make.
• An introduction to a new culture she has never known...
• or it can be plainly because she has fallen in love over this strange man who embraces her culture regardless of its strangeness.
• Because she is in a situation that might pose as a problem in future relationships she'll have with men in her own race (separated, kids, etc.)
  
• etc. etc. etc.
  

It can be for any reasons why caucasians and asian hook up -- most common thinking would be, she's in for the money (Yeah, We asian women are all suckers for green eyed or blue eyed fair men, and we dream of beautiful children --- but you cannot just ignore the stamp on his forehead that says "green card") and he is in for the sex (they are suckers for young, slim, beautiful women who would let them lick thier foot -- sheeesh-- and who just worhsips him from head to toe).

The only thing that a foreigner must understand is that, when one marries an asian, he does not only marry the girl, but the whole family. He must not only please the girl but must be approved also by her family. And if she takes care of her, her loyalty is boundless and her respect is deep. Of course there are few exceptions --but i don't have time to discuss them.

so are they in love or what? if both are good to eachother -- sooner of later they might end up there...

so were you thinking what i was thinking?

survey

I have a penchant for useless things...

shirts that i won't ever use, stuff that will just gather dust, shoes that are better displayed and more practical to look at -- breaking ur neck because of your high heels is something your insurance might not pay for...etc. etc.

and took a survey at dneero -- realized I'm not a "i-have-a favorite-girl".
No particular restaurants that I adore, no particular drink I crave for, no particular favorite of anything...sheeesh....