Ever notice how a couple fight over something as simple as a glass of water? Or how the woman just fumes when the husband mentions a very common word? You see, it's not the glass of water, it's not the word, it's not even the husband...it's that hurt triggered to surface, transforming into anger.
The hurt is buried deeper than it should-- making one bleed even more when one tries to get it out. Because when the wound was fresh, you try to cover it too much with pleasing words, you try to dismiss it -- and you pretend it didn't happen -- even before it has gotten the satisfaction it needs in a certain discussion.
I can feel the steaming heat of a certain supressed anger just as if it is my own in certain people. I've always had this keen sense of character and feeling.don't ask me, i just do.
but when I get hurt, my sensitivity to other people's aura becomes numb.
It becomes a sensitivity to myself...where everything I think and feel is geared towards thinking why this certain person has managed to hurt me.
so, the word sorry, when said, when one is hurt, doesn't really mean anything...
it's like poking someone with a knife to know if they'd bleed-- they didn't --but they are dying because of it...
believe me, the knife you thrusted hurt -- and when you pull it back..it will even hurt more -- probably resulting to death...
so yeah -- you can always get a doctor to save the person -- but you see, you already knifed her-- she may live, but she will always look at you as someone who tried to kill her.
i mean, -- well here's another scenario --
your bestfriend becomes a murderer.
She tries to kill you. you live.
Will you still call her and update her that you are home from the hospital and it's chika time? NOOO...
but she is your bestfriend!!! of many years?! the answer would be NOOOO -- she tried to killed you remember?.
But she's THE BESTFRIEND --- well - duh.
if u think otherwise...there is something seriously wrong with u.
am i making sense? yes? good. -- no? better, it means you're getting smarter.
Anyways, There is this one forum that discussed about saying sorry - if its a big deal or not...
my first post was this:
then someone pm'd me, saying that yes, sorry cannot heal the hurt, change the past, and it will not change anything -- and maybe that's becuase sorry is not really about it at all?
**my thoughts -- well, what then is saying sorry about? aren't you saying sorry because you've hurt the other and is trying to mend her broken heart and gain her trust again?
then he added - that maybe its about this -- whenever he says sorry, it's because he regrets eveyrthing he's done ---
*my thoughts -- well, maybe you should then say sorry to YOURSELF? since the sorry is actually about you and what you've done and how you feel about it now that you've hurt someone... (?)
he adds - that it hurts him too whenever he says sorry...
**my thoughts -- (what the frick...)
(*sigh) i don't know the guy and he was nice as hell in his message - but I so want to strangle his horns and slap his face and say -
you're hurting?! just what do you think the other person feels then when it's actually THEM who felt the blow of YOUR STUPIDITY?!
but i didnt --aside from the fact that it was just a message and I dont really know him and so i cannot gauge his horn if its something i can grab on to....whenever the situation to de-bull him arises --- he doesn't really deserve it hehehe.
he is just someone nice, passing by, cared enough to pitch in his thoughts, means well...it just happened that he messaged the wrong person -- because the biatch who received it feels strongly about the subject **Evil Laugh.
but here comes the bomb line of his message -
ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.