death of a friend

What a way to go. He couldn't have picked the best time... It is perfect. Everybody is celebrating the dead. He instantly becomes a celebrant. But is it worth celebrating? A friend expires and we are left behind with nothing but memories of him. Memories that are not even accurate. Memories to be visible only in words as we write and talk about an expired friend. no...expire is demeaning. retired would be a suitable word. or is it?

death is as common as can be. everyobody I know is always related to someone dead.
We, ourselves are going that way...But it still sends shivers everytime I am informed of a death, especially of a loved one. Confronted with this reality, we tend to question our mortality. We look for ways to validate the fact that we are living the life we want. or the life we thought we want.

*Sigh. suddenly, just knowing we wont see him again, instantly I immediately want to see him. Pathetic. Pathetic and too late. Does he know that I see him special? Does he know I see him as a good friend?

the answer holds no value now.... ---right? questions and answers are for people who can question and answer...I wish the opposite though, but that would mean, we'd have to bring him back to life... please -- find someone who can arrange.

musings on death

this is in response to Catea's comment.

How do I want to die?

That is one question that have passed my mind not too often but has passed more than once.
I don't know how I want to die, but I do know that I don't want to die violently. I'm scared of dying slowly, having to slowly see my life and everything pass away in front of me. I don't want to be confronted by my conscience if I had done everything right, which I know the answer is not gonna be satisfactory -- which would make me beg for life -- so I can straighten things out.

Urong-sulong - a phenomena that happens when one is in doubt is an experience that only prolongs one's agony.It cannot help you, it just swings you back and forth, until you are dizzy that you just gave up -- without you ever going anywhere.

If I'm gonna die, maybe I'd want it swift and sweet. I don't want to be mutilated, that looks not so good on my funeral pictures. *You just cannot dismiss aesthetics even when you're dead, or else, you'll be giving nightmares to everyone who creeps up your coffin to say their final goodbye. On the other hand, it might scare them enough to do something about their lives, good or not...but that is inconsequential. You don't want to start a chain of events when you are dead. You'd rather do that when you are alive.

Hmmm...I've always wanted to grow old gracefully... but could one die gracefully? COuld one exit one's life without being rude? I mean, you are in the middle of something, living your life, relatively interacting with other people, and you just die, just because?

Life is an eternal job to accomplish...but the worker cannot ever complete it. Life goes on even when we pass away. Our natural clock starts to unwind, our visions blur, our ears starts to not hear, and our brain loses its grasp of reality, locking us with our own memoirs and demons that we have created from the past.

I wonder if there is someone who calls the shots as to whose turn it is to die...scary.

how about you catea? How do you want to die?

pin me never

Heath Ledger is dead.
Possibly due to drug overdose (possibly? cute guy, succesful acting career, anything is possible -- at least its not aids, the slowly but surely dying is more humiliating because you can hear their snide comments when they are being given)...

Too many people are dying these days - oh wait, death didnt stop from occuring since time immemorial -- it's just that, it's more sensationalised now more than ever. Remember those days, when snail mail was the 'in thing' and that you have to wait and agonized for over a month before you can plan a dinner party? Dear Monica, I want to give you a party, when do you think you can come by? I'll await your reply next month.

Everything is happening so fast these days, I can't hardly breathe. People constantly changing jobs, relationships, friends, favorites as if everything is dispensible -- oh well, everything really is. But not everything is disposable. Not everything should go to trash just becuase you've 'used' them already.Sometimes, we confuse the two.

I wish I can follow my own advice. I have restless feet and a wandering soul. I ahve so many things I want to do, that I bid goodbye to almost everything because I'm afraid staying a bit longer might help them chain me down. I excuse myself to almost anything, loving the solace of my loneliness and relishing the muted sound of my walls. I always cry out that I am trapped but almost always, nobody can get hold of me -- trapped in my own restlessness. I move in a private circle with my other foot ready to run...

So when I die, I guess, it would be a lonely death.
But all deaths are lonely becuase you get to die alone... no more, no less.