Christmas Lights and Devil Worship

I can't help but repost this. heheehehe. It's just soooo funny. and if you find this letter exchange amusing, go to the site and read the comments below the post....it's even more crazy =D.

Christopher and Heather XXXX
XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX
Boone, NC 28607

Dear Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX

We are writing to you as members of the Evergreen Homeowner’s Association about a concern that has occupied all our minds since you moved into this neighborhood. We are a congregate group of good Christian and God fearing people. The display you have set up on the outer section of your lot has us a bit concerned as the statue appears to be a type of Pagan worshipping symbol, unlike the other lawn decorations in our neighborhood. Shirley Whitley, a neighbor of yours says that this is a Satanic being and that you may be involved in the Occult. We have all noticed strange goings on around the neighborhood. There are flashing lights in the sky and numerous dead animals in the road. We understand that you are a homeowner, but if you will read your declaration of restrictions, obscene or vulgar displays on your property are not allowed. We insist that you remove this questionable display at once. Our children are not to be influenced by Devil worship and deviant behavior.

Ardna Tyne
For the Evergreen Homeowners Association

June 16, 2002

Dear Ardna (IF that’s your real name),

I am addressing the issue of my Gargoyle which the benevolent homeowners association seems to take offense to.

I will NOT be removing my Gargoyle any time soon. A Gargoyle is an ancient protector of property, and can be seen all over Europe in the architectural structure. I guess the homeowners association hasn’t gotten to them yet. My Gargoyle basically looks like a puppy with wings. Does this frighten you? I can only imagine you screaming in fear when the Snuggles fabric softener bear is speaking to you through your evil television set.

I would like to file a formal complaint about several yards in the neighborhood. The guy down at 152 has grass that’s over two feet tall. What’s he growing in there? The woman at 138 has a saddle and stirrups decorating her mailbox. What is that all about? I, for one, am not a cowboy, do not like cowboys and find it horrifying how the cowboys treated the Indians and Tom Landry. That guy was the only coach they ever had. Once they fired him, he died. Was that fair? I find cowboys to be highly offensive. Don’t get me started on the pink flamingos in the Whitley yard.

As for the flashes of light in the sky, that’s lightning, you idiot. Have you noticed at about the same time the wicked sky lights are flashing, there are evil drops of liquid falling from the sky? We are in a drought. I would think rain would make you thankful.

As far as the dead animals go, you idiots don’t know how to drive on the winding mountain roads. That is called ROADKILL. If you will notice, these are squirrels and rabbits that just walk in front of you as you drive down the mountain with your retired tunnelvisionist eyes glaring straight ahead.

We live at the top of this mountain. Your friends and neighbors cannot even see my house for all the trees surrounding it, so there is no need for you to freak out over my lawn stuff. I will not be moving things, so take whatever action you feel is necessary.

See you in hell,

Love,

Chris XXXXX

Christopher and Heather XXXX
XXX XXXXXXXXXXX XXXX:X
Boone, NC 28607

October 25, 2002

Dear Mr .and Mrs. XXXXX

We are writing to you again, not on the issue of your gargoyle, which you are determined not to remove from display in our neighborhood, but on the issue of your Christmas lights.

Are you aware that it is not yet November? You apparently put up Christmas lights the second week of this month and insist on plugging them in nightly. We can all see your glowing display late into the night over the mountain horizon. It is keeping several of us awake at night and we do not appreciate such flagrant non-adherence to the Association rules. Page six of your Homeowner’s Association guidelines specifically states that the neighborhood shall remain seasonal, with holiday displays not to be presented in a period greater than two weeks prior or after said holiday.

Your lights are a distraction to visitors. An acquaintance who works at Boone Airport has said that your lights are obnoxious and a turn-off to visitors who land at the airport. If this is an attempt to retaliate against us for the gargoyle incident, we are becoming increasingly annoyed with your behavior. Legal action may be necessary to either A) force you to move out of our
once peaceful neighborhood or B) obtain a court ordered fine for your continuing defiance of our rules and regulations.

If you think we will back down on this issue, as we did on the issue of your gargoyle, you are sadly mistaken.

In addition, we are disturbed by the constant removal of trees from your property. Sunday morning is not a proper time for you to operate your chainsaw. Our community prides itself on the beautiful forestry that surround our neighborhood and we are determined to stop you from ruining the scenery. Please leave our trees alone!

Ardna Tyne
For the Evergreen Homeowners Association

November 4, 2002

Dear Ardna (I just can’t believe that is your name),

I AM aware of the date. If this neighborhood is like the last one I lived in, you will not be putting up lights at all, no matter what the date is. The last neighborhood, I was the only house on the street to put up lights, as it is Siberian-like weather here in December, perhaps the reason no one puts up lights.

Why do you care that my lights are up? Again, I live at the top of the mountain and nobody can even see my house. If it keeps you awake at night, close your freakin’ windows and quit peering out them like Mrs. Kravitz. I am not up here for your amusement. If you want a show, I will be I glad to give you one on New Year’ s Eve, otherwise, QUIT LOOKIN’ MY WAY .

I will not be taking down my lights because of your meek little letter, as it took me 10 days to put them all up. Page six of the guidelines also is the reference page that my gargoyle fell into. I am officially tearing page six out of my guidelines and wiping my ass with it. I will then post it to the tree nearest my mailbox for all your visitors to see. Feel free to take it down and examine it or use it as evidence against my in your little lawsuit.

Did someone really fly into Boone International Airport? Did they really complain about my lights? If so, then I obtained my goal. Someone noticed my lights and I gave the one person who flies into that parking lot something to go home and tell their friends about. Why did you back off on my gargoyle? Did someone tell you your letter to me, coming off as an inbred Christian fanatic was posted all over the internet, and read by many, many people? I got more feedback from people I don’t even know telling me to sue YOU for civil rights violations than you would know.

As for the trees I plunked down $140,000.00 for this house and the acre of property that goes with it. These are MY trees, and I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about what you think about me cutting them down. Aren’t you in church on Sunday Morning, rescuing the world from
gargoyle-bearing heathens? The way I see it, this is the BEST time for me to cut down my trees. There are over 300 trees on my property and I will cut them all down if I wish. Then you will have a better view of my house, my gargoyle and my feces smeared page six of the Homeowner’s Association rules and regulations nailed to the one tree I will leave standing.

Oh, and I’m not done putting up lights yet. Enjoy.

As always, love,

Chris XXXXX
The Satan loving, electricity burning tree killer.

Epal Moment of the year!

All I can say is that, I wish I didnt smile as much! ang epal ko! haha!

Do i I look like I haven't taken a bath in the photo? (nod?) of course... its because I haven't. After being cornered at Via Mare, sunday night, no thanks to Roberto (and accomplice Bianca), I proceeded to spend the rest of it running around to find markers and cartolina. Do not ask me what it was for... I'm still groping for words to explain how I got myself there...

When I sent Roberto a message that I am free for the evening, I was ready to get wasted and to get drunk. I was wearing my black skull dress as a prep. Wore goth makeup with black kohl lines in my eyes.ashen gloss and a "kinda-sorta" depressive expression to go with it. Had my mother saw me, she would have disowned me -- which is not far from happening anyway. We haven't spoken for almost a month now, btw (but that's another complicated story of my life).

I was already looking the part, with my red high platform havas to match the red rubbers of my braces, I was ready to enter the dark side.

If I remember correctly, it was Roberto was the first one to get me drunk without me realizing it. There were three of us then. It was my first time to meet him. I didn't know then that rice makes him grumpy. We were with a foreigner, so naturally rice is not part of his daily routine. But I'm a chicken-and-rice girl. I live and breathe because of chicken and rice. They ordered beer and other sundry stuff. Like a fool, to be polite, I told myself to wait for them to order rice before I order mine for dinner, it was, after all, past 6pm, they are bound to eat something of substance...or so I thought.

Come 9pm, the two just drank beer...I ended up closing the night, half shouting my theory of relativity in an attempt to philosophically explain how we are all a product of our human history...Not being coherent but trying to be by shouting -- like that foreign guy you see that raises his voice when he orders, thinking that the waiter will understand him regardless of the fact that the waiter doesn't speak his language -- I was that...except I was not making an order...and the two are not waiters. But like that guy, I just didn't make sense.

The next day, we met again, I was careful not to be in the same state... I went home feeling funny but sane. The third night, we met again over buckets of beer. In the fourth night of the beer marathon, I responded to the invitation by saying "I have a fever". That was the end of my beer drinking career.

That sunday night, after having been done with all the stresses of my life, I thought it apt to drink my way to oblivion as a reward. But life has a funny way of making you change your plans. And life is not very patient, it makes you change it immediately. Roberto brought me a friendly face from Mindanao who snapped me out of my drinking fantasy by telling me that I need to get up 7am the next day. I nodded and life approvingly made the weather easier for me to accomplish my treasure hunt ---> from one block to another, in search of markers and cartolina, and thankfully finding them at 7-eleven. After obtaining my jewels, i found myself at a coffee shop making plans and nowhere near getting drunk (drat)! My ghetto-morbid attire is making other people stare at me and I was looking too happy for my goth make-up.

But life decided to put in another surprise. A friend came by to uproot me from my little homey coffee shop. I ended up watching a movie, squeling in embarrassment for the actor, and going home hungry and stressed than ever because I havent started my cartolina job yet. Needless to say, I was a zombie when Biancatot woke me up via text.

And that is the story of that funny face in the first picture. I looked out of place...because I was out of place. Having slept so little because of going home late and waking up before everyone does because of a too early appointment, the madness of it all tends to register in the face.

Thank heavens, sanity came back the next day.

the culprit, roberto

the accomplice, biancatot