Thursday, November 08, 2007

suicide at 12

Her name was unknown, but she got famous -- the kind of fame where you become the household talk, where everyone knows of you, the type the celebrities crave for. But she became famous not because of her talent, nor is it because of beauty, she instantly became a star when she decided to loop her neck a cord and died -- and she was only 12 years old.

She decided to take her own life because they were poor and her parents are always fighting . Before she died, she came up to her mother to ask her to let her work in the factory her mom is working for but her mom scolded her and she proceeded to go home -- hurt, sad, and possibly confused. When she died, they found her diary and inside it, they were able to read a part of her tormented soul. One entry said, that it's been a month already since she last attended school because they don't have enough money for food and transportation. Another entry was about her feelings towards her parents when they fight...She wrote she wanted to be a nurse. She wants to be the one to bring her family out of poverty.

How can one so young, feel so old?
How can one so young, at the tender age of 12, feel so depressed?
Where can one so young get enough courage to take her own life?

I am mother, and this type of news really makes me uncomfortable. When I saw the news, I immediately remembered my eldest daughter. Ever since her father and I called it quits, I've noticed a certain maturity in her. I would catch her looking at our wedding pictures and she would look so sad. She's still the vibrant little girl she was but she's started to have outbursts, she's more stubborn, and there are moments where she is just quiet. I've always brushed this aside, hoping that one day, I could explain to her why. She is just a kid...and then I heard the news. I missed her suddenly.

So how young is she really is? Maybe parents today often make the mistake of treating their children to be young than they really are. Children these days tend to grow faster, they tend to mature quickly...and thus, inspite of the fact that they may look like little angels to us, could it be that a more mature consciousness is behind their childish looks and ways? of course...we parents are just too stubborn to accept that.

Being able to understand and acting it out of understanding are two different things...Just because you understand, doesn't necessarily mean that one is rational in answering such understanding. What I'm trying to get at is that, they may understand, but they may not know how to deal with it. Thus, with the case of the twelve year old girl, she answered it by taking her own life, because she understood how hard their life is, how poor they are, how mean circumstances are...that and more she knew...but that alone didn't drive her to suicide.The fact that she knows the cruelty of living, and not knowing how to deal with it, is the real culprit. So many things have shown her that life is hard, unfair, and cruel...but nobody was there to convince her that life can also be beautiful and that it should be cherished. She didn't knew the value of living, no one taught her. And as a parent, no matter how busy we are, no matter how depressed we are, that is one lesson we should try to teach no matter what. We mold them not only with what we say to them but the life we live. And thus, to effectively teach them the good life is to show them. I'm not saying put a lot of food on the table even though you can't afford it. I'm not saying, buy all the things your children wants...all I'm saying is that, in the midst of problems and fears, we should, first, comfort our children that all that's happening that's bad and scary are all but momentary...that life is beautiful no matter what.

A hug.
A simple pat.
A conversation.
A simple praise.
Having a composed demeanor.
Being calm.
Can these really help? How can we teach something, we ourselves are having a hard time understanding too? How can we impart a lesson that is too big for them to act on but enough for them to understand the bits and pieces of it? How can we make them face life and at the same time retain their innocence...It's a double edge sword...and we might die how?

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