Where does one go if one finds oneself running in circles?
The redundancy of it all adds to the exhaustion...You think what you are...must you have to? think what you already are? A case of no solution but will always be a display of repetition. Repetition of what? of almost everything in tow by being you. But what does it mean to be you? Ahh and the mind thinks again...and again...and again...until it reaches a conclusion of something you can never be sure of.
The self, the ever evolving self, shifts even before you can wholly understand it, adding confusion to the already tired mind.
The soul, the tireless soul, wanders around, shaking the body to the core.
The heart, bleeding even when it's not.
And the mind... sometimes aimless with its goal.
Why do we think of things we want to do and why do we not think when we do things?
Must we always run amok, blind and naked?
Vulnerable to pain.
Susceptible to deceit.
Hopeful to the impossible.
Grateful to lapses.
How do you pacify and silent but hurting soul?
How do you embrace a frightened child?
Angry at inconsistencies.
Paranoid towards the unknown.
How do you part the lessons needed to be learned?
How do you say silence without uttering a word.
The drama of life.
The chapters of living.
Always tracing a spiral staircase that sometimes go haywire...entangling the reasons and bending them out of shape. You think you are and then discovers you are not...and then you don't think at all.
While in Bangkok, Greg and I were talking about the things that we usually notice in the Philippines. And we both agreed on one thing. Do you notice it? How taxi drivers, cashiers, etc. ask for the exact change? If the bill is Php102 and you hand a crisp Php500 bill, what do they automatically say? "Do you have two pesos?".
Am I right? Or am I right?
So in the spirit of fun, we decided to do a little test. Will our driver in Bangkok ask for the same? Will the Cashier at the department store will ask for exact change?
Test Case One: Our taxi ride cost our 87Bhat. We handed a hundred. We waited for him to ask for 7Bhat. Nope. He handed us the change without saying anything.
Test Case Two: We bought food at the gluttonous food center of Siam Center. Same thing.
Test Case Three: We went to buy chicken and beer at Big C. The Cashier gave us the total. 128Bhat. Greg and I looked at eachother. Greg took the money out gave her 150Bhat. And offered her 8Bhat. She took it. But she was kinda struggling. She calculated...then she got some help with her on scren calculator. Took her some time to figure it out. I was silently tapping my feet, silently blaming Greg for this delay...Soon she gave us our change...
Greg laughed...She was struggling coz she doesn't care about exact change! When in the Philippines, counting backwards at cash registrars is a second nature.
After this discovery, we started noticing little trivial stuff.
We noticed that in Thailand, no matter what you are drinking, they give you a straw. Try it, buy a small bottle of mineral water and it will come with a straw.
Also, unlike here in the Philippines, they don't tie their plastics, they seal it by tying a rubber band around the opening.
Thailand is also a land of Bangs...Women everywhere have bangs.
It's funny how these little things define a country. Small silly stuff make up big fun things...that might turn out stupid realities...but in this case, it's just little cute things that defines a country's culture. Things we normally take for granted but is deep rooted in our behavior that we do them without thinking.
A country is defined by its people...people are defined by their characters. Characters are shaped by one's perspective...By looking at this things, you understand how differently we all are...but how similar. How varied "enthusiasm" or " greatness" is defined in many cultures but how they often thread in one similar line.
We are having too much fun in this little game we concocted.
Are you still shaken at how poorly you've chosen your friends?
or was it...how poorly you have understood them?
Can you still smell the roses?
Do you still love the earth under your feet?
Perhaps the wind has brought on some memories?
Did you catch the ones you like the most?
Or was it the sad things that got caught in between your fingers?
Do you wish to untangle your heart?
Are you bleeding because you are trying so hard?
Can you dance to the tune of the silent bowing of the trees?
Can you aim at the flying dove that only your gaze could reach?
So many questions in your head right now...
So many things you have known that you unnecessarily have to worry about.
But you worry anyway...and you think...
but still the world hasn't stopped turning.
It didn't even pause for you to lick your wounds.
Nor did it trap the trumpet that loudly shook your stable regions.
Nor did it punish the worthlessness of it all.
It just turned...and turn it will go...until the day you cease to feel its movement.
Oh, it will not stop.
It is too proud for that.
But your tears aren't left unheard, and the careless whisper that broke your heart will not go without receiving its own punishment. It will hear the echo of the voice it used. It will endlessly convince oneself that it was the right thing to do. But one knows, it was out of bounds.
A false sense of call of duty on goodness.
It only broke a heart, trampled on a promise, and tore the cloth of friendship.
What was left for that unlucky one are days of broken glass and memories of things that will never come back.
And you...what do you have?
Doubts.
Fear.
And courage to head on...
They say you should take care of your friends...
If so, one can never have too many friends...only too many to take care of...
Open your eyes.
The rain has stopped.
It is still cold...but not too cold to open your letters.
Read them again.
They are good reminders that you are loved.
Loved beyond understanding.
Loved beyond betrayal.
Loved beyond doubt.
Loved beyond anything you could imagine.
And life isn't fair...no wonder some people hate you.
You got a bigger piece of share.
"I see the moon, and the moon sees me. God bless the moon and God bless me"
Looking at the screen, with my head pounding as if someone just smashed it to the wall, is not the easiest thing to do. Here I am, back from the grave, trying to get my other foot from the purgatory it's stuck in. Please take a moment to say "welcome back".
...My brain, as if eternally frozen is starting to hurt that I am tempted to get a rock, crack my head open, and stir it back to life with a stick.
It's during these times that I wonder why God made us like piggy ceramic coin banks. And like an eager little child, We shake our head, figure out what's inside, itches to get it opened...but once cracked...we become damaged and (almost) beyond repair. Being like this seems to be a smart way to almost prevent one from acting on certain curiosity and impulses, like cracking your pounding head, for example, with something hard.
Can you imagine if we had the ability to take off each part and scratch it to satisfaction like the way we pick our noses? The market would arguably be filled with absurd and odd looking containers and covers. Aisles and aisles of pouches for eyeballs in different colors and styles, containers specifically for the ears, mouth, fingers and knee caps -- (eooow)... and what about screws to put the detachable part in place? how about double sided tape for the flesh?
Ahhh... Cadavers will be more expensive! Gone are the cemetery days of burial and cremation. For once a detachable part is gone and lost, one just have to replace it. What a disaster it would be to walk out and go home only to find out that you've lost an arm along the way. Like the way we lose earphones...once we do, we just have to get a new pair...correct?
Ahhh... and would this be the time for slaughterhouses to shine? Instead of the greasy bloody warehouses we usually see, emerge a more sophisticated showroom and storage of cadavers and parts. Where a/c and refrigeration must be of the highest class. Hmmm....And a receiving area with flowers in colors and lights in yellowish hue to cause a warm effect for customers waiting in line to order a new appendage?
And gone are the days of cardboard slaughterhouses signages. In its place will rise a sign in neon lights that says "Body and parts for sale!" --- or a better one "Bodies from Finland and Germany for sale!"...Nokia Users will go for this one nyahahah! Do you think China can come up with a cheaper alternative? a semi-body part...maybe one shade lighter or darker...something that vibrates and with an lcd screen? Coolness hahah! This one, ladies and gentlemen, is THE red light district because this is THE ultimate flesh business.
Interesting don't you think? But what a disaster! For someone as careless as I, it would be a very expensive way to live. I mean an arm would cost a lot, I'd suppose, and if I lose an arm the way I lose my cellphones, I might as well just be dead...For the possibility to lose an arm means a possibility to lose a leg, a nipple, a finger, a toe...and what about my head! I certainly cannot function properly without it! Being the picker that I am, I am sure I'd be toying and nitpicking at it until it becomes lose...and God knows what will happen if it rolls off!
So I guess God did us a favor in creating us as we are. Vulnerable and in one piece--- without the choice of appendage exchanges upon will. What was I thinking asking for lego body parts?!...oh wait...I wasn't thinking that's why I was asking for it...my head hurts remember?
