money matters

My friend commented on how beautiful a Lexus car is.
I shrugged my shoulders and closed my eyes...
I have better things to think and daydream about -- like ice cream and chocolates and this hunk on the billboard with its 6-pack abs glaringly and sinfully inviting me to think provoking thoughts that will ensure my disinheritance if ever my mom develop the ability to read minds..
My head buzzed from it all, so daydreaming was cut short.

I looked at my friend and I looked at him closely. He is still beaming about this Lexus car who passed us by. Was it white? I forget.

My thoughts flying on his earlier comment..and came to a conclusion...
"rich men can be so boring sometimes"...
Only then did I realize that I was thinking aloud...
He heard me.
He looked at me briefly and breathed heavily.
He stopped talking.
"Damage control" in red neon lights flashing in my brain.
Ugh... now I have to make amends or i get booted out of the car...and I hate walking as much as I hate public transpo.

I opened my mouth and then tried to smile sheepishly...you know, that guilty smile you produce that looks more like of a sneer than a friendly gesture? it didn't help. He is still upset.

What I meant when I thought and stupidly said the statement is that, sometimes, people with money take better care over something that never loves them back. That's why they crave more attention,they are more emotionally unstable...and the more they get the more they need to have some more. They are insatiable.

They talk more about gadgets and gizmos but doesn't even have a clue about how to go about their personal relationships.
They know more the serial numbers of their engines rather than their anniversary dates.
They bank more on the bills they have compared to their emotional investment in friendships. They have more patience to read manuals rather than hear their partner's thoughts.
They'd rather break a marriage over properties rather than honoring their vows of "till death do us part".

They confuse people to be dispensable when its their "toys" are.
And they complain that they feel empty despite everything.
Isnt it obvious?
what would you expect?
you've built a whole relationship over material things that can neither talk or walk on its own, and you expect reciprocation?
you gave your all to something who can never give you anything expect maintenance receipts!

They spend millions over cars. Put too much attention to its details...but forget how to treat their drivers correctly.
Cars cannot reciprocate love...but drivers can offer loyalty.
but no, some prefer the perfect roar of the engine to that.
They are so proud of their mansions...and treat their furniture better than their helpers, not remembering the fact that their helpers make their houses, keep their beds, prepare their meals. A kind word is more than enough of a gesture to make them feel appreciated.
And loved workers respect their masters.

In a relationship, there should be the element of give and take...
Steel will always remain steel and will not develop arms to embrace you when you are cold. Wooden floors will not shift to keep you company when you feel at a loss.
Cars will not drive you to the emergency if you are in dire need of medical help.

but then again, friends and lovers can turn against you...but the uncertainty of it all give life a rush...and dynamo...a type of high that keeps you on your toes because you don't know what to expect...it's worth living when all your senses are heightened to a certain ride, be it good or bad...as there is no right or wrong in living it anyway...there is just monotony and surprises... why live in peace when all the dead are peaceful? You don't want to live your life the way it would be when you hit the grave right? (ok im rambling)

I'm not against having little vanities...I myself am vain with phones...
But the person on the other line have more weight than the mobile gadget.
what makes MY really phone special? someone special calls me...

so when i said, rich men are boring...
i meant...they are so used to caressing inanimate objects,
they sometimes treat you as one.
They forget you have your own opinion and gets surprised when you voice them out.
They forget that you do not have buttons to push and that one has a memory that keeps count of their mistakes.
They forget that unlike cars, we do not live on batteries and only god knows our expiration dates.
They get so stiff, that a sudden change of plans throw them off balance.
They are so used to hearing their own voice
that it startles they to hear somebody in the crowd can talk.
They panic when life takes a dive,
thinking everything is breakable when the only fragile thing in the basket is their ego.
They get confused when schedule is not on time.
They start to hate surprises.
And they talk about inanimate objects
its existence is the main reason why the world is beautiful.

Makes you wonder why.
Maybe it's because of how they live their lives, they actually have none?

of course there are exceptions...
and this is but a bias opinion. Feel free to sue me.

of Actors, Prostitutes, and Illusions.

A recent conversation about illusions and the people who conjure them filled my humble bunk this afternoon. Pillows squashed, blankets in disarray, a mouth pouted, and everybody involved was feeling the heat of the "argument".

A discussion on illusions created by actors and prostitutes, so intense that it made the popcorn pop...except that there is no popcorn around.

A good actor can get angry at will on stage even if he is at the prime of his life -- driving a fast car, with a beautiful girlfriend, and a chest of, not money, but gold nuggets to feed his ferocious appetite for adventure and excitement. Even if he is, at the moment,the happiest idiot there is...and mind you, this idiot need not be dumb - but that is beside the point.

But when the lights turn on, and as the curtains go up, on the polished wooden floor of the theater stage he poses, times his breathing, concentrates his aura, and lets out a roar, that only angry heathens with broken hearts can let out.

The audience, taken by surprise, their eyes, round in anticipation, hearts beating fast with excitement, fearing the worst, and curious like cats--- what will this actor do next? They are fastened to their seats, almost not breathing, and definitely not blinking so as to not miss anything that's going to happen.

and the prostitute?
no stage for them. but just the same... on the pavement, she poses,
times her breathing in a rhythm that summons up mock courage.
She effortlessly appears to create an aura that she will always be available...for the right offer, of course.

unlike the actors on stage, she has no screenwriters to polish her script, no make-up artist to blush her cheeks...but then again, her roles do not demand such extravagance.

For the right price, she can play the role of a doting, motherly girlfriend, a dominant vixen, and even a naive, schoolgirl virgin.

Both actors and prostitutes give life to the illusions of other people...
actors animate the writer's story, prostitutes work on the need of the clients' illusion to be "loved".

So yes, both are the same...but both are different too.

The actor's audience, expect to see a new world on stage, knowing at the back of the their mind, the the actor is not really his character.
They get amazed, they laugh, they cry, depending on the actor's talent.
They criticize bad actors according to their act and love the best ones upon their perfect delivery of their lines.
But actors do not closely interact with their audiences, in a way a prostitute does.
Actors make up the illusion of make-believe but there has always been a clear, though it may not be a strong line between them and those who watch.
The reviews of their acts are primarily centered on their act.
They also become actors to fulfill themselves, they become actors because they know they can move the audience, and if not, they do training to achieve this.

But prostitutes do not train to become good prostitutes...They just get used to it.
If they offend a client, they are bashed and treated shamelessly, insulted and embarrassed to the core of their being.
To the men who rent them by the hour, who come shamelessly with offers of money to lure them into seduction, they are not seen as actors on stage are.
They make a fantasy and fulfill the illusion of the client to his satisfaction, but their curtains do not fall down.
Actors who are named David, assume their real names at the end of their play...Prostitutes are seen prostitutes even if they are not on the pavement anymore.
Prostitutes moan for the pleasure of their clients in bed. Those moans may not be real, but those moments of being touched and entered and even "violated" are not fantasy per se. The clients subject them to real actions pretending that it is a play. After all, they paid the ticket to heaven.

Am I making sense?
The actors change characters and his illusions evolve to satisfy the audience, and after a great performance, to satisfy themselves.
On the other hand the prostitutes only have one for themselves...the illusion of freedom. That they can do whatever they want to the client to satisfy him as long as the price is right.

The actor's audience come to see what is in store for them.
The prostitute's clients come with their fantasy expecting it to become real for a few moments at a price they can afford.

The audience looks. The clients invade.
The audience anticipates. The prostitutes' clients aggressively take a step forward.
The audience do not know the roles and the lines. The clients dictate it.

Can you say they are of the same?
That they live an illusory life that is brittle, shallow and maybe somewhat superficial?
Does that make the actor's life shallow and brittle and the prostitute's meaningful?
----I don't think so.
Does that make the other better than the latter.
----I don't know.

Yes, they create illusions for themselves and for their audiences.
But aren't we all, in one way or another, become actors and whores at some point of our lives for various causes and reasons,
be it wrong or right? <---but that is beside the point, huh? And what's with the illusions? are they really "not real"? If it is a make-believe that someone can concoct, isn't the fact that it can be concocted, make it so much more a part of reality than not? <--- i know, out of topic. Anyway, The matter of differences is great and so are the similarities. Both play a role to satisfy, be it themselves or others.

Except that the first acts it, the other lives it.
The end...or maybe not.

I love you but I don't really have to like you, right?

It's a classic. You fall in love with someone you would never ever thought of loving.

what's that line? over my dead body. 

well, in this case, he just stepped over your corpse...coz you already died when he flashed you that smile that made you curl your toes as you heart was melting.

he is just so wrong for you...huh?

he is everything you wouldn't put in your wanted-boyfriend ads -- 

and the way he limps when he walks, you'd think he is drunk! 

and his hair is always too long and messy!

and he has the expression that you just want to slap off his face...

BREAK!!!!

it's kinda annoying isn't it?  To hear a friend talk over and over again over how lame this one guy is. Or what a jerk  he might be. What a big loser he is with his friends...and gosh, have you heard of the girl he kissed last night? she is soo into telling you how she hates this guy that she never notices that -- all SHE talks about is him.

and so you drop hte million dollar question -- "do you like him"

classic answer would be -- a surprised expresion, hands flailing, eyebrows being raised and a firm - NO! of course not.

inside I scream ---  "then why is it that all we talk about is him?!"

makes you laugh right? she is falling for him and she doesn't even know it.

but its almost always the case with us girls, we end up wanting the one thing we swore to never put in our "ideal man" list... we scratch their faces off our own little world, never wnating to write his name -- and then-- tadaaa!! we end up signing a marriage contract instead waaahhhh!

No I'm not talking about my love story here. God know my own story is sooo crooked and messy, you'd end up wanting to drown yourself, rather than read and suffer the irony of my life. Not that it is that much of a suffering...it's more of following an idiotic sense when common sense should have prevailed.  

Hey! it's not easy being me you know, so back off -- I'm sure you have your own sob story hidden somewhere between your armpits...all i have to do is make you raise your arm and tickle you. kuchi kuchi kuchi.

anyways. what about this friend of mine? oh I'll call her later and pretend to listen while i have my earphone on the other ear. 

It's always the same old lines. I just like hearing her voice. It is sort of a comfort, regardless of the fact that all i get is almost always a replay of complaints and subliminal i-love-him messages. 

I don't have to like the guy to listen to his story...I love my friend enough...and I like hearing her rant. Something I can use against her when the need arises hahahaha! she has the right to remain silent-- and nope, she aint using that right...tsk tsk tsk.

anyways...  is it really possible to love someone you can't even like?

like is a relative word, right? could it be that you like him but your dislike of his personality is just a scale higher, thus highlighting hate more?  

i mean, there are certain relationships that displays that...like me and my mom.  There is no doubt I love my mom and I mean the world to her... if I get hurt, she'd die for me --- but sometimes, I know for a certain, that although she'd lay her life for me, there are times when she'd be willing to get an axe to chop my head off... 

Thank God,  sanity prevails...or is it the deficiency of the moment? (we don't have an axe sharp enough to cut ** ain't i lucky o.0  - sheeesh).

It's a love and hate relationship.

Even with my bestfriend.  who is sooo stupid and insecure "he" would wage war with his current partner --and guess what, I get to be blamed for it, becuase duh, i'm the only one who is close enough to the partner and her...waaah!

that's why, I didn't talk to her for months. I don't wanna be in the middle of a war where my only mistake was to be strategically positioned in middle! 

they throw bombs and they gun eachother! guess who ends up dead? me!

i get to catch all the bullets becuase I am within the firing range...drat! my ass hurts!!! and to think her partner is not really doing anything. she would say things and ask her about stuff that irks her...because it is really annoying to be asked stoooooooopid questions. 

At First, I tell my bestfriend... leave her alone!!!! i can't have you on her ass while I am working with her! nope -- "HE" doesn't listen..hooookay... FINE! I teach the  girl to turn off her phone if my bestfriend becomes too annoying...hahahahah! 

then they end up fighting becuase the stooopid bestfriend gets the wrong message, the girl hears a different thing because my bestfriend twists my sentences!!!! blah. blah. blah....

wait a minute! this aint my problem!...shyet.

 so i excused myself and dropped them both off to the floor to take care of their own asses -- i've underestimated them ....coz they are now doing very well on their own *laughs 

but yeah, my bestfriend irks me to the point of making me want to commit murder. But we are both different. and we do not necessarily have to laugh at eachother to know we have eachother. If i axe my bestfriend's head, and somebody out of sheer pity helps me, I'd turn to axe him down becuase he axed my bestfriend -- he has no right to do that! 

yeah... That's how sick our relationship is. 

and so this thingie with my friend that is somewhat annoying because she can't stop talking about this guy she doesnt like? nah! it's peanuts. 

If she asks me for advice, I'd tell her to go ask him on a date and then tell me how horrible it was **grins.  but of course -- over her dead body.

  

twisted relationships

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