of Actors, Prostitutes, and Illusions.

A recent conversation about illusions and the people who conjure them filled my humble bunk this afternoon. Pillows squashed, blankets in disarray, a mouth pouted, and everybody involved was feeling the heat of the "argument".

A discussion on illusions created by actors and prostitutes, so intense that it made the popcorn pop...except that there is no popcorn around.

A good actor can get angry at will on stage even if he is at the prime of his life -- driving a fast car, with a beautiful girlfriend, and a chest of, not money, but gold nuggets to feed his ferocious appetite for adventure and excitement. Even if he is, at the moment,the happiest idiot there is...and mind you, this idiot need not be dumb - but that is beside the point.

But when the lights turn on, and as the curtains go up, on the polished wooden floor of the theater stage he poses, times his breathing, concentrates his aura, and lets out a roar, that only angry heathens with broken hearts can let out.

The audience, taken by surprise, their eyes, round in anticipation, hearts beating fast with excitement, fearing the worst, and curious like cats--- what will this actor do next? They are fastened to their seats, almost not breathing, and definitely not blinking so as to not miss anything that's going to happen.

and the prostitute?
no stage for them. but just the same... on the pavement, she poses,
times her breathing in a rhythm that summons up mock courage.
She effortlessly appears to create an aura that she will always be available...for the right offer, of course.

unlike the actors on stage, she has no screenwriters to polish her script, no make-up artist to blush her cheeks...but then again, her roles do not demand such extravagance.

For the right price, she can play the role of a doting, motherly girlfriend, a dominant vixen, and even a naive, schoolgirl virgin.

Both actors and prostitutes give life to the illusions of other people...
actors animate the writer's story, prostitutes work on the need of the clients' illusion to be "loved".

So yes, both are the same...but both are different too.

The actor's audience, expect to see a new world on stage, knowing at the back of the their mind, the the actor is not really his character.
They get amazed, they laugh, they cry, depending on the actor's talent.
They criticize bad actors according to their act and love the best ones upon their perfect delivery of their lines.
But actors do not closely interact with their audiences, in a way a prostitute does.
Actors make up the illusion of make-believe but there has always been a clear, though it may not be a strong line between them and those who watch.
The reviews of their acts are primarily centered on their act.
They also become actors to fulfill themselves, they become actors because they know they can move the audience, and if not, they do training to achieve this.

But prostitutes do not train to become good prostitutes...They just get used to it.
If they offend a client, they are bashed and treated shamelessly, insulted and embarrassed to the core of their being.
To the men who rent them by the hour, who come shamelessly with offers of money to lure them into seduction, they are not seen as actors on stage are.
They make a fantasy and fulfill the illusion of the client to his satisfaction, but their curtains do not fall down.
Actors who are named David, assume their real names at the end of their play...Prostitutes are seen prostitutes even if they are not on the pavement anymore.
Prostitutes moan for the pleasure of their clients in bed. Those moans may not be real, but those moments of being touched and entered and even "violated" are not fantasy per se. The clients subject them to real actions pretending that it is a play. After all, they paid the ticket to heaven.

Am I making sense?
The actors change characters and his illusions evolve to satisfy the audience, and after a great performance, to satisfy themselves.
On the other hand the prostitutes only have one for themselves...the illusion of freedom. That they can do whatever they want to the client to satisfy him as long as the price is right.

The actor's audience come to see what is in store for them.
The prostitute's clients come with their fantasy expecting it to become real for a few moments at a price they can afford.

The audience looks. The clients invade.
The audience anticipates. The prostitutes' clients aggressively take a step forward.
The audience do not know the roles and the lines. The clients dictate it.

Can you say they are of the same?
That they live an illusory life that is brittle, shallow and maybe somewhat superficial?
Does that make the actor's life shallow and brittle and the prostitute's meaningful?
----I don't think so.
Does that make the other better than the latter.
----I don't know.

Yes, they create illusions for themselves and for their audiences.
But aren't we all, in one way or another, become actors and whores at some point of our lives for various causes and reasons,
be it wrong or right? <---but that is beside the point, huh? And what's with the illusions? are they really "not real"? If it is a make-believe that someone can concoct, isn't the fact that it can be concocted, make it so much more a part of reality than not? <--- i know, out of topic. Anyway, The matter of differences is great and so are the similarities. Both play a role to satisfy, be it themselves or others.

Except that the first acts it, the other lives it.
The end...or maybe not.

more than a machine fix up

What do women need?

a man who does not only know how to fix machines.

Thanks to the systematic wiring of the male brain, our men in planet earth have tendencies to intuitively figure how things work. Everything broken that can be fixed with a duct tape or a WD-40, call HIM.

A broken lightbulb? call the electrician, at least I have to, my partner's gentle hands are not so gentle when it comes to screwing the lightbulb. He is just not made for that type of screwing. The lights here in the Philippines are too small for his big hands =P

Incompetent some men may be in screwing lightbulbs, it is undeniable that most men are driven to analyze, explore, and construct a system.
For example, It is friday night, and fridays are always a good day to hang out with the gang. He looks at his watch and will then see (analyze) if he can sneak an hour or two with the boys. He then reaches for his phonebook and explores his friends' numbers to see if anyone is going out. He constructs a system of "what-ifs" and thinks of possible reasons that will show the urgency and necessity that pushed him to do what he did including possible answers and excuses to the nagging questions that he knows, is waiting for him when he reaches home. It would have been a perfect plan...except that he sometimes gets nervous when grilled.

It seems grilling pushes the male brain to its limits. The emphatizing female brain has constructed us to be better at language, thus nagging is not just a fancy but rather a necessity for grilling, as provided by nature. It also applies to non-verbal communications. You don't have to do anything more than bat your eyelash the wrong way, and we got you.

Men may have the ability to easily figure things out but women are better at understanding people.

So baby, when you have constructed your reasons and apologies, practice on them...and practice it a million times. We are anticipating your move and we are very good at making allies (ehem).Plus we read minds.

But the world is round and it has turned a full 360 degrees. -- Relationships have progressed. Partners involved have taken in new roles and new accountabilities. Relationships these days have reached a level whereby the man is not only seen as someone who owns the remote control with a beer on the left hand and the woman has ceased to become a cleaning agent.

Although there are still the old school patriarchs, men these days see the potentials of "compromise". They now have time to listen and are now setting time to talk their sweethearts out of her depressive mood.

Lengthy conversations are now part of their lives.

And most of all, most men are now realizing that relationships can never be always logical and rational.

In return, women now change tires, maintain cars, and even fix light bulbs.

So what do women need? a man who knows that he has a relationship with a human being, not with a machine. Who knows the woman he is with has feelings and will never develop a carburetor in the future.

How about the men? oh --- a woman who will stop treating you as if you have no mind to read...but you have to act the part.

long distance relationships

Long distance relationships is not challenging...it is a challenge.

It happens when crazed-and-intimately-attached- lovers decided to be in a binding relationship regardless of the existing endless water and mass of earth sitting like a plump fairy between them. But this plump fairy is not very accommodating with wishes, it is hard as a rock, deep as the abyss, and frigidly cold as that raw meat in the freezer.

It doensn't let you cross it for free. Arline tickets and cruise packages are extremely expensive that the word "filthy rich" and "robbery" comes to mind often.

It won't even let your voice pass without a fee.

It has numerous toll gates.Conflicting bodies of government.And landmines waiting for some fool to play with it.

Not to mention warring parties with deadly nuclear weapons that can destroy the earth 7 times. Duh. You can only destroy the earth once. Once it blow, everything disintegrates rendering the other 6 useless... hoookay? well if , and only if, by some miracle everything disintegrates and the 6 remained intact, nobody will be alive then to miraculously push the button of destruction once again.

The END-OF-THE-WORLD episode of our lives can only happen once, and its so absolute that nobody will be left to say "Bravo! Magnifico! that blow really blew me!". So let me tell it in advance to the genius, whoever he/she may be, wherever he/she may be located.

"congratulations for making sure everybody die an equal death, may we all rest in peace"

With all these lunatics between us, storms and climate changes, taxes and VATs, not to mention wild animals on the prowl, both four and two-legged...long distance relationships become a rock-climbing, off-road expedition of mixed emotions and frustrations that sends us crashing head on.

And so, lovers' break down because others just break away.

But does distance really have to do with it?

I've seen couples not torn by different timezones and geographical obstacles act as if they have a black hole existing between them. One can be so near yet so out of reach at the same time.

But blame it to the world becauase the world doesn't complain.

Never mind that our pride is more difficult to climb than its highest mountain.

Never mind that we become fickle minded, swaying more than the wind that courses through the trees.

Never mind that our anger is far more bitter than the storm that wrecks the fields.

Never mind that our eyes wander like a stranger sometimes.

Never mind that we sometimes take the slightest offense as a mock reason to create an impenetrable wall to those closest to us.

Never mind that we sometimes create our own world where no one is allowed to set foot upon.

Never mind that we sometimes wage an invisible battle where enemies are meant to lose no matter what.

Blame it to the world because it can only whistle its heartaches.

because its rain drowns its pains and tears.

because it survived the weathering changes of time, making it even stronger and beautiful as lovers continue to grow apart.

Yes, blame the world as our madness takes us to the edge of sanity as we collectively create and destroy cities in the name of pride and love.

But if you really want to test your capacity to endure a long distance relationship, be a priest.

Submit yourself to the "holy marriage" that requires absolute obedience and fidelity.

Where your partner is omnipotent that sneaking out to party at night and going home with a lame excuse of overtime will be just that, LAME.

And arguments are out of the question.

So jealous that being everywhere is not even enough that spies and assassins in the form of demons and angels are being sent and instructed to remind you of your sins with visions of hell to instill fear in your heart.

A partner that neither believes in telephones nor customer service.

A partner you cannot woe with chocolates and flowers.

A Partner that you cannot shout at (well, you can always try).

A Partner you cannot stand to lose.

Where communication will always be like an exercise of patience because it's like being on hold forever with intermittent flashes of light to daze you with constant subtle reminders and threats of hell sung in a melody of a song that is longer than "stairway to heaven" to keep you company while you wait for the operator to come.

It is not a long distance relationship -- it is an impossibility-made-possible relationship.

Where distance does not only exist, but another plane of reality stands in the middle of it all. This time the fairy is far more cruel in its collection of taxes. Where you pay with your everything including your sanity.

And unlike the plump fairy called THE WORLD, it will only allow you to point your finger towards yourself --blaming your imperfect existence is the only option.

Bummer if God doesn't really exist.

Double bummer if he does and you committed adultery.

I love you but I don't really have to like you, right?

It's a classic. You fall in love with someone you would never ever thought of loving.

what's that line? over my dead body. 

well, in this case, he just stepped over your corpse...coz you already died when he flashed you that smile that made you curl your toes as you heart was melting.

he is just so wrong for you...huh?

he is everything you wouldn't put in your wanted-boyfriend ads -- 

and the way he limps when he walks, you'd think he is drunk! 

and his hair is always too long and messy!

and he has the expression that you just want to slap off his face...

BREAK!!!!

it's kinda annoying isn't it?  To hear a friend talk over and over again over how lame this one guy is. Or what a jerk  he might be. What a big loser he is with his friends...and gosh, have you heard of the girl he kissed last night? she is soo into telling you how she hates this guy that she never notices that -- all SHE talks about is him.

and so you drop hte million dollar question -- "do you like him"

classic answer would be -- a surprised expresion, hands flailing, eyebrows being raised and a firm - NO! of course not.

inside I scream ---  "then why is it that all we talk about is him?!"

makes you laugh right? she is falling for him and she doesn't even know it.

but its almost always the case with us girls, we end up wanting the one thing we swore to never put in our "ideal man" list... we scratch their faces off our own little world, never wnating to write his name -- and then-- tadaaa!! we end up signing a marriage contract instead waaahhhh!

No I'm not talking about my love story here. God know my own story is sooo crooked and messy, you'd end up wanting to drown yourself, rather than read and suffer the irony of my life. Not that it is that much of a suffering...it's more of following an idiotic sense when common sense should have prevailed.  

Hey! it's not easy being me you know, so back off -- I'm sure you have your own sob story hidden somewhere between your armpits...all i have to do is make you raise your arm and tickle you. kuchi kuchi kuchi.

anyways. what about this friend of mine? oh I'll call her later and pretend to listen while i have my earphone on the other ear. 

It's always the same old lines. I just like hearing her voice. It is sort of a comfort, regardless of the fact that all i get is almost always a replay of complaints and subliminal i-love-him messages. 

I don't have to like the guy to listen to his story...I love my friend enough...and I like hearing her rant. Something I can use against her when the need arises hahahaha! she has the right to remain silent-- and nope, she aint using that right...tsk tsk tsk.

anyways...  is it really possible to love someone you can't even like?

like is a relative word, right? could it be that you like him but your dislike of his personality is just a scale higher, thus highlighting hate more?  

i mean, there are certain relationships that displays that...like me and my mom.  There is no doubt I love my mom and I mean the world to her... if I get hurt, she'd die for me --- but sometimes, I know for a certain, that although she'd lay her life for me, there are times when she'd be willing to get an axe to chop my head off... 

Thank God,  sanity prevails...or is it the deficiency of the moment? (we don't have an axe sharp enough to cut ** ain't i lucky o.0  - sheeesh).

It's a love and hate relationship.

Even with my bestfriend.  who is sooo stupid and insecure "he" would wage war with his current partner --and guess what, I get to be blamed for it, becuase duh, i'm the only one who is close enough to the partner and her...waaah!

that's why, I didn't talk to her for months. I don't wanna be in the middle of a war where my only mistake was to be strategically positioned in middle! 

they throw bombs and they gun eachother! guess who ends up dead? me!

i get to catch all the bullets becuase I am within the firing range...drat! my ass hurts!!! and to think her partner is not really doing anything. she would say things and ask her about stuff that irks her...because it is really annoying to be asked stoooooooopid questions. 

At First, I tell my bestfriend... leave her alone!!!! i can't have you on her ass while I am working with her! nope -- "HE" doesn't listen..hooookay... FINE! I teach the  girl to turn off her phone if my bestfriend becomes too annoying...hahahahah! 

then they end up fighting becuase the stooopid bestfriend gets the wrong message, the girl hears a different thing because my bestfriend twists my sentences!!!! blah. blah. blah....

wait a minute! this aint my problem!...shyet.

 so i excused myself and dropped them both off to the floor to take care of their own asses -- i've underestimated them ....coz they are now doing very well on their own *laughs 

but yeah, my bestfriend irks me to the point of making me want to commit murder. But we are both different. and we do not necessarily have to laugh at eachother to know we have eachother. If i axe my bestfriend's head, and somebody out of sheer pity helps me, I'd turn to axe him down becuase he axed my bestfriend -- he has no right to do that! 

yeah... That's how sick our relationship is. 

and so this thingie with my friend that is somewhat annoying because she can't stop talking about this guy she doesnt like? nah! it's peanuts. 

If she asks me for advice, I'd tell her to go ask him on a date and then tell me how horrible it was **grins.  but of course -- over her dead body.

  

you're sorry? ok, now what?

Ever notice how a couple fight over something as simple as a glass of water? Or how the woman just fumes when the husband mentions a very common word? You see, it's not the glass of water, it's not the word, it's not even the husband...it's that hurt triggered to surface, transforming into anger.

The hurt is buried deeper than it should-- making one bleed even more when one tries to get it out.  Because when the wound was fresh, you try to cover it too much with pleasing words, you try to dismiss it -- and you pretend it didn't happen -- even before it has gotten the satisfaction it needs in a certain discussion.  

I can feel the steaming heat of a certain supressed anger just as if it is my own in certain people.  I've always had this keen sense of character and feeling.don't ask me, i just do.

but when I get hurt, my sensitivity to other people's aura becomes numb. 

It becomes a sensitivity to myself...where everything I think and feel is geared towards thinking why this certain person has managed to hurt me.

so, the word sorry, when said, when one is hurt, doesn't really mean anything...

it's like poking someone with a knife to know if they'd bleed-- they didn't --but they are dying because of it...

believe me, the knife you thrusted hurt -- and when you pull it back..it will even hurt more -- probably resulting to death...

so yeah -- you can always get a doctor to save the person -- but you see, you already knifed her-- she may live, but she will always look at you as someone who tried to kill her.

i mean, -- well here's another scenario -- 

your bestfriend becomes a murderer.

She tries to kill you. you live.

Will you still call her and update her that you are home from the hospital and it's chika time? NOOO... 

but she is your bestfriend!!! of many years?! the answer would be NOOOO -- she tried to killed you remember?. 

But she's THE BESTFRIEND --- well - duh.

if u think otherwise...there is something seriously wrong with u.

am i making sense? yes? good.  -- no? better, it means you're getting smarter.

Anyways, There is this one forum that discussed about saying sorry - if its a big deal or not...

my first post was this:

saying sorry doesnt change anything.

it cannot erase the past.

it cannot heal the hurting.

it's just a word losers use just so they could sleep better at night after what they've done. 

then someone pm'd me, saying that yes, sorry cannot heal the hurt, change the past, and it will not change anything -- and maybe that's becuase sorry is not really about it at all? 

**my thoughts -- well, what then is saying sorry about? aren't you saying sorry because you've hurt the other and is trying to mend her broken heart and gain her trust again?

then he added -  that maybe its about this -- whenever he says sorry, it's because he regrets eveyrthing he's done ---

*my thoughts -- well, maybe you should then say sorry to YOURSELF? since the sorry is actually about you and what you've done and how you feel about it now that you've hurt someone... (?)

he adds - that it hurts him too whenever he says sorry...

**my thoughts -- (what the frick...)

(*sigh) i don't know the guy and he was nice as hell in his message - but I so want to strangle his horns and slap his face and say - 

halllllerrrrr??!!!!

you're hurting?! just what do you think the other person feels then when it's actually THEM who felt the blow of YOUR STUPIDITY?! 

but i didnt --aside from the fact that it was just a message and I dont really know him and so i cannot gauge his horn if its something i can grab on to....whenever the situation to de-bull him arises --- he doesn't really deserve it hehehe.

he is just someone nice, passing by, cared enough to pitch in his thoughts, means well...it just happened that he messaged the wrong person -- because the biatch who received it feels strongly about the subject **Evil Laugh. 

but here comes the bomb line of his message - Was I just being a jerk who's trying to clear myselft of guilt?

so of cource the biatch has to reply :

... to be in a situation is a choice..you've chosen to hurt -- and yes, saying sorry hurts too. that then makes you think -- maybe you are not the person that you once think you are. 

yes, nobody is perfect, but in a relationship, the only acceptable sorry is when you've hurt the other person because u loved her too much....  

saying sorry about going astray in a relationship is bull...because it takes time to know other people... to like them...it is a process..a slow, intricate one...a process you could have stopped anytime but havent...but you can always say sorry -- but she doesnt always have to accept it, just as you've had the choice of stopping urself but didn't until someone got hurt.  

so, were you being a jerk? you tell me.

ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

boundaries

by felixspencer2 (taken from flickr)

the boundaries of having no boundaries is to know how far one can go about running the fields without going insane.

we are so set to put a barricade of contradictions in everything we do because we always expect things to stop sooner or later. But what if the stop to occur has no direct relation to the boundaries we set?

Thinking all the while that boundaries and limits help us regulate the stop we are expecting to occur, when in fact, it is the manifestation of fear to go out beyond what we do not understand.

Thus, the stop we are expecting is but an illusion and excuse to set ourselves in our comfort zone because we fear to go and explore that which we find strange...worse...things we cannot control.

One example would be the fact that we define ourselves.

Who am I.
What makes me ME?
and what makes me different?

So obssessed we are in defining ourselves and setting a different character to be identified from the commonalities of the human race.

I am myself. I am beyond what you think of me. I am more than what you see. I am more than a product of my relationships and decisions. I have a certain quality higher than that you percieve me to have.

Yet in my moment of confusion and anger, I see myself acting against the set of rules I have conveniently fenced around me.

That is definitely me.
But I see no one doing it aside from that shell that bore my face.

Is that me?
But it goes against the set of character I've learned to fence myself around with.

Can it be me? I would have known... I am myself. and on goes the debate...

We become trapped within the limits we set ouselves with... forgetting that we could easily lift it. That with one blow and it topples like cards...

so set me a boundary...
map me out and find me, like a rat, sniff my way out.

aut viam inveniam aut faciam

There are things that are opposite to eachother but are utterly inseparable...but the world has a unison of the differences that overlaps eachother.

In order not to get lost, we map ourselves certain lines of what is and what is not. But we often forget that the dichotomy of life, though real, is never hindering and it never will. Differences are just that, differences, they are not barricades, nor are they walls to alienate the world or the people around us.

And even with boulders positioned so that we may limit ourselves in terms of co existing and interacting, so we may preserve a certain sanctuary -- too sacred for others to insert themselves in...Trancendence is what we do best.

We draw the lines so we do not get lost as we live in this complicated world. But the lines are but imaginary. And the lines vary according to the map maker...

but the the lines can only do so much as bound those who've forgotten how boundless life can be.

so take me and ill show you how it is to be me.

see me now.

so what am i accountable for?
in this life of ruins where people are taught to wait for a tomorrow that never really comes.

what am i to fear? when I can only speak for myself and everything else becomes what i want it to be.

what am i to ask?
when I do not know what really makes me happy.

What is happiness anyway?

absurdly treading this part of my life where I've become a warrior of many things. But battles being fought for people you find special are very hard to do -- especially when they themselves are letting themselves get caught to be killed.

I tried so hard to design my life to please others while i secretly sneak out to glutton over things that i find enjoyable to kill my time.

But It's always the same.

Year after year.

Old Friends.
New Friends.
Young.
Old

Day after day, I still get impatient with the same old routine even with new faces to bear.
i find it a burden to hear people in ways where they find themselves unhappy of the state they are in.

But I cannot forever extend myself.

I cannot forever keep the basin of loneliness i feel because i do not find it in myself to walk away from the miseries of others.

I am in no way soft hearted.
I am not sentimental either.

However, I find it disturbing to see people getting stuck in that part of their lives and seeing that they don't even know it.
but it seems as if I am most apt to destroy characters, but then again, one can only destroy that which is brittle.
That's why when one locks to destroy, one focuses on nothing but the weaknesses.

so what am i to do?
I bang the wall, to find if it is sturdy enough.
It stands tall still...My wall is as strong as ever, but that never stopped me from banging a hole. Sooner of later, it will crumble...if that happens, what then?
will that make me realize?
what will that make me?

but what are they doing?
i am confused. i get lost just as i tangle within the sheets of my mind.
are they thinking what i'm thinking?
do they know that i am but a shell of confusing characters, trying to get hold what reality is all about...

excuse me...but do you know me?
because i've been looking for answers but until now, i cannot find one.

I become the people i am with.
that's why whenever i find myself alone, i find it hard to fit in.
i become the wall i am stuck with when no one is around.
mute.
hard.
cold.
forever an unwilling witness of other people's lives.
eternally immovable.
carefully listening.
vibrating with secrets.
basking in silence.
carefully waiting for the right moment...

are you thinking what i'm thinking?

I was out yesterday - and i saw a lot of foreigners with their Filipina partners. And these various thoughts invaded my mind...

• Are they (meaning caucasian or black foreigners) choosing asian mates becuase we are "small" and our culture dictates that we become submissive?
• Is it because they are young (asian females in this type of relationship are mostly young, just a few years above 18 or so)?
• nice couple --- he is young!
  
• where did he find her? --net, clubs, malls?
• what the heck is he thinking? (especially if the girl is not that pretty and the guy is)
• so that's exotic for him? (again at an aesthetic level -- yes, I'm shallow!)
• why are they walking so far apart?
• why is he not holding her hand?
• why is she dressed that way?
• why is he bald?
• he walks funny
• nice purse
• are they really in love?

and because I am just particularly nosy on other people's business, here are some of the things I came up after pondering those couples that passed by while I sip my strawberry shake.

Sexually speaking - asians are small compared to caucasian and black women. If anybody read my re-post on "Does penis size matter?" - we are, in diameter, a half inch or so smaller to caucasian girls and 1-1.5 inches smaller than black women. Paired with our own race, we do fit perfectecly -- on average, asian men are smaller by half inch to caucasians and caucasians are half inch smaller compared to black men. So sexually speaking, asians may tend to be more attractive to caucasian/black men because not only do most asian women look exotic with their yellow or mocha skin, they will be 'tight' for them until the woman becomes adjusted to their size.

The west has a stereotype over asian women that's called the "china doll stereotype" where women from both Far East & South East Asia are portrayed as exotic sexual beings...like felines...who visually yawns and secretly plots...

the China doll stereotype and other variations of this submissive stereotype exist in American movies: "Geisha Girl/Lotus Flower/Servant/China Doll: Submissive, docile, obedient, reverential (including Asian men as effeminate, servile); Vixen/Sex Nymph: Sexy, coquettish, manipulative; tendency toward disloyalty or opportunism; Prostitute/Victim of Sex Trade/War/Oppression: Helpless, in need of assistance or rescue; good-natured at heart." wikepedia

Of course, this is not a learned observation and I am just expressing an opinion based upon what I am noticing and what I have read -- some pieces of useful junk I've found in books and over the net. Just because it made sense to me - doesnt mean it is the absolute truth.

Ok, now that I've written the disclaimer, I'm more comfotable to babble. wehehhe! don't wanna get sued, you know.ANd if you ever stubbed your toe and lost your foot because what I'm ranting here is making you choke, I am in no way liable for your clumsiness.

(where was i?)

Culturaly speaking, asian women, in their patriarchal prisons have learned the art of pleasing their men. We please our men, although the rise of feminism is rampant these days, a lot of women have yet to know and believe their rights as human beings. Generally speaking, women do nag, rant, complain, have the ability to push you to bankcruptcy becuase of their expenditures -- my mom have this ability to talk like an machine gun - ratatatatatatatat! -- that makes my dad shakes his head -- but when the man of the house raises his right as the head of the household, most likely asian women bow down to the authority. It may not be willingly, but asian women recognizes the power of the male dominance in the family. You cannot expect the aisan woman to pack her bags immediately - she may argue, shout, complain - but it will take her a long time to leave her partner, even in the presence of physical abuse.

In terms of fidelity, most asian women would ask their partners to be discreet in their affairs to avoid any circumstances where it can shame the family. Children are taught to honor their fathers and are instructed to respect them, no matter what. Same goes with the mothers, but it is more important that the children look up to their dads. It is prevalent in an Asian household that children hold their tongue back until they are allowed to speak and argue with their parents, especially with their father...and it is always in a respectful manner and always without the presence of any guests. Children are taught to not defy their father in front of guests, if one chooses to do so, a harsh punishment is awaiting them. It is the honor of the father that his children show respect and it is his disgrace if any sign of imputence from his wife and family is shown in front of his friends and collegues.

Caucasian men on the other hand, have been stereotyped by asian women as promiscuous. Who date around and dating means sleeping around. Who sleep around, and sleeping around doesn't necesarily mean he is in a commitment.

Plus, I know someone who knows a taxi driver who hates foreigners becaase he gets to witness how foreigners change women everyday...so that's one point. And me personally, I saw this one caucasian guy, he was with this curly hairde asian girl, we were in singapore airport then, I'm going home to the Phil, he is riding the same plane -- and a few days later, when I was in Cebu and was with may friend, we saw him with a different girl...I think he recognized me, he didn't enter the restaurant we were in and opted to go somewhere else. Ok OK, I'm gossiping... erase erase erase

In terms of asian women committing adultery, I don't know. Although asian women has been portrayed in the west as "aggresive sexual beings" (what's that song again?..."a lady on the street but a freak in the bed" =P) in many movies, the life of a conservative asian woman is void of dates and friendly dinners with the opposite sex. It is a disgrace to her family to be seen with a man alone, except if it is her husband or son. Although this tradition is slowly changing as more and more young asian women are more and more open in terms of their views of life and relationships.

Things are really slowly changing though. Foreigners looking for Asian wives are more reciprocated especially in the provincial areas.

• A foreigner may look like a savior to a starving asian family (believe me, I've met people who makes sure she marries a foreigner a career).
• An angel to free her from her patriarchal prison.
• An adventure to see other places and acquire things she's only dreamed of for herself or for her family.
• A sacrifice she has to make.
• An introduction to a new culture she has never known...
• or it can be plainly because she has fallen in love over this strange man who embraces her culture regardless of its strangeness.
• Because she is in a situation that might pose as a problem in future relationships she'll have with men in her own race (separated, kids, etc.)
  
• etc. etc. etc.
  

It can be for any reasons why caucasians and asian hook up -- most common thinking would be, she's in for the money (Yeah, We asian women are all suckers for green eyed or blue eyed fair men, and we dream of beautiful children --- but you cannot just ignore the stamp on his forehead that says "green card") and he is in for the sex (they are suckers for young, slim, beautiful women who would let them lick thier foot -- sheeesh-- and who just worhsips him from head to toe).

The only thing that a foreigner must understand is that, when one marries an asian, he does not only marry the girl, but the whole family. He must not only please the girl but must be approved also by her family. And if she takes care of her, her loyalty is boundless and her respect is deep. Of course there are few exceptions --but i don't have time to discuss them.

so are they in love or what? if both are good to eachother -- sooner of later they might end up there...

so were you thinking what i was thinking?

Sex makes women thinner...and men -- bigger?!

I was watching the Oprah Show with Dr. Oz as a guest. The topic is about losing weight...through sex. Yes, yes...we all heard it. Sex is a great way to sweat off those fats...but as Oprah said, it's not about the calories -- unless ur doing it up on a chandelier or making sit ups while humping. Dr. OZ said that there is a part in our brain where when we make love, not just casual sex, we feel loved and we feel we belong in a 'community' <--- yeah, it's a fag way to explain it.Anyways, signals are given to our brain, as we become sexually satisfied , to not make us eat. We feel less inclined to eat as we hump our way to satisfaction. SO the more sex we get, the less likely we are to be voracious eater. So the more sex we have - the thinner we are likely to become.

One thing that made me stop doing what I was doing and just concentrate on what was being said was when the added bonus (as Dr. Oz phrased it) was announced. Now we women, when we get thinner or smaller, we tend to feel pretty and sexier. Men, however, if they lose 30-35 pounds of weight, THEY GAIN ONE INCH IN PENIS LENGTH.

That is something I never heard of before!

What a way to motivate men to lose weight...

So for guys who got partners already, the more you hump, the more you lose weight, the bigger you get. CONGRATULATIONS...that's a win win situation! hhehe!

For guys who cannot find a partner because of their 'size", i say, hit the gym fellows! your life is depending on it...sex life that is. ^.^

musings about US

i love you.
i love the way you love me.
i love the way you need me.
i love the way you teach me to need you.
i love how you make me listen to the humming of your soul.
i love how you make me taste the saltiness of your tears.
i love how you trust me with your life.
i love the way you teach me how to lean on you.
i love the way you say, "you can't get rid of me"
i love the way you make me feel vulnerable.
i love the strength you give me.
i love the way you kiss me and say i love you.
but i hate how empty i feel when you're not there.

i look back at what we have done together and what we have accomplished and it makes me proud of you. i can just imagine how hard it must have been. how crazy and fast it must have seemed. but you never let go and you're still holding my hand. shielding me from the hail and storm, telling me that things will be alright. and i know it will be...and i'll hang on, as long as you are there.

kiss my forehead and bid me goodnight...i pray that you'll be beside me the next time i open my eyes.

Free as a caged bird

Feel the rythm of the rain as it taps your window and as it dances on your roof.
Savor the heat of the morning as it wakes you up to a new day regardless of the present it brings.
Too many battles, I've lost, becuase I was scared to even say what's on my mind.
Too many arguments I've had becuase I've said the wrong things at the wrong time.
Too many lip-biting moments I've encountered because I cannot beg you to stay.
You and your wandering soul is searing a pain I cannot contain.
My heart and wandering mind is taking steps backward...away from that awful reality that you are just a phonecall away but an eternity farther to embrace.
My hands are cold. My eyes are dry. My soul shallow...
I'm missing you and the moments we've had.
And the phone rings, and it's you, assuring me, that things will be alright.
And my phone beeps, and it's you telling me that it's not that bad.
My mail is full, and it's you telling me, your heart is mine.
I smile...sadly...grateful and ungrateful.
Coz I can't have you till you can live your life.
I think...quizically of ways to free you from your own chains and burden.
I laugh, coz as I start to work on my plan, my prison door bangs, reminding me that I'm just like you.
I utter a prayer for patience and hurrying God to give it to me before I lose my mind.
But I'm content -- with a longing heart and a pounding head.
Because we love eachother...and for now - that's all that really matters.

Feeling something wrong about something?

Do you ever have that feeling that something that shouldn't be happening is happening?
like your favorite dress getting ripped for no particular reason?
like your husband cheating on you?
like your bestfriend talking behind your back?
like that chocolate bar being stolen from your fridge?

That feeling that something, somewhere -- is just not right.

The thing with women's intuition, is that it's usually correct, especially when it's about your partner cheating on you. Am I not right ladies? we always have a sense that something is not right, regardless of the fact if he says he loves you everyday, every hour, every minute. Regardless if he kisses you everytime you come home...unexpectedly, you do't feel happy...jsut because...something's changed...all we have to do is wait to see that something...and usually, it's a girl, in mini skirt, high heels, and a make up that's more perfect than yours.

So what do we do? we often make them blurt it out, only to get screamed at, accused of, and just be told to that we are paranoid...how hurtful can that be. Don't they know that we can feel too? that we can sense difference if we are being "loved" differently these past few months?

So you don't love us anymore...why just not leave and save everybody the time and effort and humiliation. Leave and leave softly and gracefully. Just vanish without a trace after saying sorry that you floundered on your "till death do us part" vow.

So what I'm trying to drive at? your cold heart, i guess.

after the curtain closes

you cannot believe the flashing lights. And so many people are waiting to take your pictures. Roses are being thrown at your feet with the crowd cheering your name. They want more, they crave for more than what's being offered. They clap their hands in a rythm, seducing you to again give the performance of your life...but when the bulbs die down. after the people have become tired of the noise and the laughter. after the stage has been cleaned...you go back to your own little self - euphoric for a moment - but definitely deafened by the silence. You ask for sleep but your mind gives you no rest. You clamor for the bed, but its empitness gnaws at your soul. Your tandem has left...and your not on the stage anymore.

The phone rings. You pick it up. And somehow, that call transcends the distance...but its not enough. Never enough. And like the crowd that cheers...you hum the name you long for. you sing the melody of missing the company. you dance in loneliness...making yourself sick by sending blank stares at the blank walls. You are not Sad. But you are not overjoyed. You are suspended...until the phone rings again.

Does penis size matter?

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twisted relationships

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